Just Saying Get Better
by Kiwifeather
Summary: Mirror from the Homestuck kink meme. An AU where the trolls are patients at the Green Sun Psychiatric Treatment Center and the kids work there. This is Humanstuck. More info inside. Basically the whole story has a blanket trigger warning.
1. Chapter 1

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you do not want to be here.<br>Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR, and you do not want to be here.  
>Your name is TAVROS NITRAM, and you do not want to be here.<br>Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO, and you do not want to be here.  
>Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and you do not want to be here.<br>Your name is VRISKA SERKET, and you do not want to be here.  
>Your name is KANAYA MARYAM, and you do not want to be here.<br>Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK, and you do not want to be here.  
>Your name is NEPETA LEIJON, and you do not want to be here.<br>Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA, and you do not want to be here.  
>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES, and you do not want to be here.<br>Your name is TEREZI PYROPE, and you do not want to be here.

_Here_ happens to be GREEN SUN PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT CENTER. As much as you don't want to be here, you need this. It's not going to be about fun, or making friends, or falling in love-though all of those things might yet happen. Being here is about one thing, and it's the most important thing of all: _getting better._


	2. Chapter 2

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is KANAYA MARYAM, and the first thing that people tend to notice about you is that you are exceptionally thin. Willowy, even. Slender, twiggy, sleek, lithe, skinny-your picture would be in the dictionary after any of these words. You take immense pride in this, even though lately your picture would probably be next to the word "Gollum". This is also the reason that you just went through a metal detector, had your cell phone confiscated-as well as all potentially sharp objects, long cords, and shoes-and are unpacking what is left of your things in a tiny shared room at a psychiatric hospital. You have yet to meet the person with whom you will be sharing this room, but you hope that they will not be too messy, or loud, or meddlesome, and you especially hope that they will not be thinner than you.<p>

Vriska Serket proves to be almost all of those things-all, if you replaced slenderness with an extra helping of drama. She bursts into the room in a whirlwind of untamed hair, unkempt clothes, injuries, and acne and unceremoniously dumps her bag on the available bed. Her left eye is blackened, and her left arm is in a large, blue cast and sling.

"Soooooooo, I guess you're my roomm8, huh?" she grins-how does someone smile that widely without breaking their face?-revealing blue-banded braces. You shrug. She walks over, extending a hand. "I'm Vriska. Vriska Serket."

"Kanaya Maryam." You awkwardly shake hands. It feels oddly formal, and is only made weirder by the fact that she's extending the broken arm for you to shake-while it's still in the sling.

"So what're you here for? Wait, 8et I can guess! Judging by the size of you, you're one of those compulsive eaters, huh? Too many emotions and you gra8 the Cherry Garcia? I mean look at you, you're freaking _huuuuuuuuge!_"

"_What?_" She has to be joking, she has to be, there's no way she could honestly think you're fat-

"Jeeeeeeeez, I was kidding. Learn to take a joke, Maryam. And eat something, jegus, do you disappear when you turn sidew8s?" she cackles, then upends her bag on her bed and starts shoving clothes into your shared chest of drawers. You scowl.

"I'm Going To Treat That Like Another Joke. What Are _You_ Here For Then?"

Vriska sighs dramatically, and flops down on the bed. "Weeeeeeeell, according to rumor that may or may not 8e 8ased in fact, but_claims_ to 8e 8ased in psychi8try, I'm a 8orderline sociopath and a compulsive li8r and I've got some 8ullshit thing called 8orderline personality disorder. But the truth is, I just like to take _risks._"

You honestly can't tell if you love this girl, or want to kill her.


	3. Chapter 3

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you do not know how all of your roommates are always douchebags. Granted, you've only had one roommate so far, but you just <em>know<em> you're going to hate your next one, too. Also, you're in a psychiatric hospital... but even so, you should be able to get roomed with someone who's not totally _insane_, right?

Your first roommate was SOLLUX CAPTOR. He was already unpacked and lying down when you walked in, and was lying on his bed, facing the wall. You guessed you should introduce yourself.

"Uh. Hi." He just shrugs in response.

"I'm Karkat."

Shrug.

"Uh. Okay. I guess I'll just.. unpack then."

Shrug.

Your roommate did not react at all while you unpacked, or while you cursed loudly from dropping a dresser drawer on your foot, or while you asked him what it was like here. You figured that he was just depressed, which was understandable enough, and decided to leave him alone. You got along by mutually ignoring each other until about two in the morning, when he decided to sit bolt upright and start functioning. Vigorously.

"Hi, 2orry about earliier man II wa2 in 2uch a funk oh man my name'2 2ollux did you 2ay your name wa2 Karkat? II2 iit okay iif II call you KK? II'm gonna call you KK iif that'2 okay what'd you do two get you here? Waiit that'2 probably not the be2t thiing to a2k 2orry KK eheheheh..." as he rambled, Sollux also paced, waved his arms, and eventually decided it'd be a great idea to turn on the lights because, as he said, "God II feel great, II could do anythiing riight now ii2 iit ok for me two turn on the liight2? II gotta turn on the liight2 man 2leepiing ii2 for wu22e2." He then proceeded to rapidly flick the lights on and off twice before turning them on for good and pacing more.

"Sollux? That's your name, right?" You're seriously not sure if this is real life or some kind of sick joke.

"Yeah man what'2 up?" He was literally bouncing on the balls of his feet, he was so excited. What the fuck.

"Go the fuck to sleep."

Sollux, however, did not go the fuck to sleep. He did not go the hell to sleep, or go to goddamn sleep, or even just _go to sleep_. The word "sleep" seemed permanently removed from his vocabulary unless he was heavily sedated-something the orderlies always seemed to wait until nearly sunrise to do. The first night, he practically buzzed with energy and paced and flailed around the room for an hour before an orderly noticed that the light was on and came in to investigate. She gave him a sedative and a lecture, and left you to try to find sleep again after that shitshow. You would have written it off, had Sollux not stayed completely manic for three more days-and nights. You liked the guy, he seemed okay, but you could not handle rooming with his crazy ass any more. You didn't exactly blame him, because somewhere in his mile-a-minute rambling you learned that he's got severe bipolar and just got new meds so they're taking a while to kick in, hence the manic episode. But you sleep little enough as it is without his one-two one-two light switch flicking at three AM and his tendency to pace loudly and shoot his lispy mouth off and the way he has to give you two fist bumps every time you enter the room, or occasionally his line of sight. So on the fourth day, you walked down to the nurse's station with him chattering in your wake, and asked for a different roommmate. No offense, bro, but a guy's gotta sleep.

"Ehehehehe, iit'2 totally cool man 2orry about all of thii2 damn though II am wiired II'm gonna go do 2omethiing II dunno what yet but II'll find 2omethiing II feel liike II can do _anythiing_ riight now..."

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and now you're just sitting around, waiting, because your new douchebag roommate should be here soon and hopefully he won't be as much as a fuckass as Sollux was.

* * *

><p>== BE THE NEW DOUCHEBAG ROOMMATE<p>

You are now the other guy. Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and you were, at one point, in love. Fuck it, who are you even kidding, you are still in love and always will be. Never mind the fact that your girlfriend broke up with you when you carved her name into your forearm to "provve your commitment," you _know_ that she will realize that she made a mistake and come back to you. Hopefully. Especially since your post-breakup depressive freakout was enough to get you institutionalized.

You're rooming with KARKAT VANTAS, who seems pretty grumpy but you're sure that he'll come around once you guys get to know each other. He's been here a few days longer than you, but you don't know why he's here. Yet. You're sure you'll find out, because you can already tell that you two will be great friends and oh cod he's throwing stuff at you maybe you should shut up.


	4. Chapter 4

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES and you are nervous. Nervous is a familiar feeling to you, because in your high-expectations high-class life you have always been pushed to be the B-EST. And you usually are! You're good at being good at things. You used to <em>live<em> for the pressure of your mountain of extra-curriculars, and your parents' high expectations of you because you are the governor's daughter, the governor who is running for _president_ in a few years and cannot have any skeletons in the closet young lady so you had better behave yourself and remember that you are always in the public eye and have to show them that you are just GR-EAT so _don't screw it up._ And you _were_ great, until one day you had a very sudden, very unexpected, and very, very public nervous breakdown. And now you are here.

You get to your room at the same time as your roommate, a pretty Asian girl with long, straight hair who looks reel-ly down. You can understand that, you're a little down, too, but you're here to get better and that's a good thing! She has an aide next to her, and you wonder if everyone here has to be escorted places. Maybe you get to share this aide, who knows! So you smile, and wave hello. The girl just stares at you, and shuffles into the room. The aide leaves; you guess that you get to be unsupervised in your room. That's pretty neat!

The other girl doesn't look very forthcoming, so you figure you're the one who had better make introductions. Abandoning your suitcase, you bounce over to offer a handshake, and chirp out, "Hi, I'm Feferi! W)(at's your name?"

She just stares at you again, and finally mumbles, "Aradia. Aradia Megid0."

"Hi Aradia! It's GR-EAT to meet you!"

"Y0u seem awfully excited t0 be here."

"Well, I'm )(ere to get better! And t)(at's good, isn't it?"

"I guess s0."

"It totally is! Cod, it's drafty in here. Do you mind if I s)(ut the door?" you ask.

"Y0u can't," she says hollowly, and starts unpacking her suitcase as if that's really all there is to say on the matter.

"W)(y not?" Does she mean she doesn't want you to shut it? Because if so, that's a pretty RUD-E way of saying it!

"I'm 0n suicide watch. They d0n't let me have cl0sed d00rs." Oh. _Oh._ Oh cod you are so insensitive oh cod oh cod...

"Oh my cod I am so sorry, shorely you must think I am just so RUD-E right now oh my cod-"

"It's 0k. It's n0t like y0u knew," she says, and gives you a friendly almost-smile. You still feel glubbing terrible, though, and you want to find some way to make it up to her. But you settle for some frond-ly chatting until the bell rings for lunch and the aide comes to escort her to the cafeteria. She seems to still be unpacking, or maybe she just doesn't want to go with you, so you leave alone. You're worried that she totally hates you and just doesn't want to be seen with you, when you hear her call out, "Wait!" from down the hallway.

You stop, and she half-jogs over to you, the aide giving her some space and walking a few yards behind. You can't help but grin, and the two of you set off for lunch together, wondering what kind of food they'll serve. At one point, you think you might have even made her laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA and damn, life is full of miracles. Take this room, for instance. You can't quite remember how you got here but you're pretty sure that a white angel brought you here and helped you stick up a clown poster on the wall. You think you were lying on the bed at one point, but now you're on the floor.. mostly. Your feet are still up there, those silly motherfuckers. You give them a lazy smile, and the motion pulls at the stitches on your face, sending a red-hot jet of pain straight to your skull. Whoa. You sit there and ponder that for a few minutes, because everything is so slow but that pain was so fast, and what a motherfucking miracle that is. You experiment for a while with different facial expressions to see what hurts and what doesn't. At least, you think you do. You might have fallen asleep for a second there.<p>

Oh wow, you were definitely asleep, because you just opened your eyes to a brand-new miracle standing right in front of you. You wonder how he learned to stand on the ceiling, until you realize that you're still lying on the ground. You slide off the bed all the way, and right yourself in a blurry haze of color and motion, and remember why you got up in the first place. Goddamn, this must be your roommate, and those are some motherfucking bitchtits metal legs he's got there and he's even got metal in his face, ain't that just a miracle right there?

* * *

><p>== BE THE MIRACLE<p>

You are now the miracle. You don't feel like a miracle, though, you feel terrified. Your name is TAVROS NITRAM and you are terrified of this place, and the doctors, and the aides, and especially terrified of your new roommate. You are terrified, because being here means that you will have to speak to people. In person. And you have gone out of your way to avoid doing that since you were very, very small.

You were always very quiet in person. You never had many friends. Once you got a computer, you didn't have _any_friends who weren't online, because friendship was much easier without having to speak to people in person. You are a junior in high school, and you had managed to not speak a word to anyone but your parents since freshman year. If anyone tried to talk to you, you either ignored them or ran away. Eventually, you learned that if you looked tough enough, nobody would try to talk to you anymore. So one afternoon you pierced your nose and lips and ears in the bathroom mirror, and a few weeks later you shaved your hair into a mohawk, and between that and the prosthetic legs you'd had since you were eleven people seemed to be intimidated enough to just stay away. It worked perfectly, until one day you bumped into a member of the lacrosse team, whose buddies surrounded you and shoved you and laughed and demanded that you say and do all sorts of terrifying things. You don't remember anything after a certain point, but when you regained coherency in the psychiatric ward, pumped full of sedatives, they told you that you had had a severe panic attack and, after a quick interview where they tacked "social anxiety" and "selective mute" to your list of diagnoses, they informed you that you needed intensive treatment

* * *

><p>==TAVROS: BE IN INTENSIVE TREATMENT<p>

Now, you are at Green Sun to get help for all of these problems. But looking at your new roommate, with his wild ginger curls and messy face paint and terrifying posters and three huge stitched gashes on his face, you are more terrified than ever. When he turns his sleepy gaze onto you and mumbles, "HeY mAn ThOsE aRe SoMe MoThErFuCkInG bItChTiTs MeTaL lEgS YoU gOt ThEre..." you feel yourself starting to hyperventilate. But he doesn't seem to want any sort of response, seeming content to just drawl on and on about miracles and metal and mirthful messiahs. You're still on the edge of panic, though, when he ambles over and plops down onto your bed with you. His face gets close to yours, and his eyes squint, like he's trying to read tiny print off the end of your nose-and it's too close too close oh gog-and you start hyperventilating for real this time, and crying, oh gog why are you_crying_, but then he says, "I gUeSs YoU dOn'T tAlK mUcH dO yOu MoThErFuCkEr?" and you shake your head no, terrified because _what is he going to do_? But he just smiles and leans back and says, "ThAt'S oK bRo, I gOt MoRe ThAn EnOuGh WoRdS fOr ThE bOtH oF uS." And suddenly, you don't feel so scared.


	6. Chapter 6

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is TEREZI PYROPE, and you do not want to think about why you are here. The problem is, you can't help thinking about it, which is why you are here in the first place. You are here because you had an accident, an accident that left you completely blind and no longer able to go to the prestigious art school that you had dreamed about since you were five years old. But that accident was only the start. You have had flashbacks about it for months. You cannot think about art or colors or paintings without bursting into tears. You cannot think about most things without relating them back to your accident or the fact that you will never paint again, and bursting into tears. Your life had become, over the course of a few months, a lawsuit, three ocular surgeries, and a pair of glass eyes, a giant obstacle course of avoiding things that would remind you of these things. Eventually, your life became hiding in your room and watching-well, listening to-Judge Judy for hours on end. Finally, your mother intervened, and told you god dammit Terezi you're wasting away like this you are putting your life back together now or I'm going to find someone who can. And a week, a few interviews, four insurance cards hidden in the couch never to return again, one highly unsuccessful escape attempt, and a cell phone confiscation later, you ended up in this room. One of your friends once told you that they paint the walls of psych wards blue to calm patients down. You think about the color blue, and how much you miss it, and how much you miss all of the colors, and you collapse on your bed and try not to cry.<p>

* * *

><p>== BE TEREZI'S ROOMMATE<p>

You are now NEPETA LEIJON, and you just walked in to see your new roommate looking absolutely miserable. Now, you're not feeling too great yourself, but you feel absolutely pawful watching this girl's lower lip tremble like that. She looks up as you click on the lights, but in the wrong direction, and from that and the large, opaque shades she's wearing you piece together that she must be blind. And now you are quite unsure of what to do, because you don't want to end up saying something insensitive but you need to say something because she heard you so she must know you're here-

"H3LLO? 1S SOM3ON3 TH3R3?" Crap.

":33 Uhhhh. Hi! Yeah! I'm Nepeta? I'm your new roommate?"

"OH. H1. 1'M T3R3Z1," she slumps back onto the bed and stares at the ceiling-except you have to remind yourself that she probably can't stare at anything. Oh gosh you are just being so insensitive, this is pawful. You have no idea what to do to break the ice here, so you just start unpacking your clothes while drowning in a veritable sea of awkward silence. That silence is broken, however, by your personalized set of dice spilling out of your bag and onto the floor. Terezi jolts at the sound and looks around wildly, and you apologize quickly and explain it was just your dice.

"D1C3? WHY DO YOU H4V3 D1C3 H3R3?"

":33 They're for Dungeons and Dragons! Do you play? I'm a rogue and I've done so many campaigns and it's awfurry fun!" you say, hoping that maybe this will interest her.

"OH M4N, 1 US3D TO DM 1N H1GH SCHOOL! TH3Y S41D 1 W4S BRUT4L, H3H3H3H3H."

":33 Wow! Maybe we could play sometime?" You're actually getting excited! You wanted to start a D&D club in school, before your cats started taking up all of your time and you ended up here. Having someone to play with would be wonderfurl!

"Y34H, W3 SHOULD S33 1F TH3Y'LL L3T US ST4RT UP 4 G4M3 DUR1NG FR33 T1M3 ON3 OF TH3S3 D4YS! 1 C4N DR4W UP 4 M4P-" she suddenly cuts off, and seems to choke up a bit. Oh gosh oh gosh what do you do? You settle for going over and hugging her. She seems to appreciate it, and hugs back for a minute before pulling away and sighing, "1 US3D TO M4K3 TH3 B3ST M4PS..."

":33 Well, maybe we don't need a map? We can just roleplay! I love roleplaying," you say, and she smiles. Maybe you won't screw this up too terribly after all.


	7. Chapter 7

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK, and ever since you were very young you knew that the world works because of rules. And some rules are very specific, and the world will not continue to turn and the sun will not continue to come up and you will not be able to cross the street without being hit by a bus without following those rules. Which is why your electronics must always be 100% charged, and your drafting table at school must always be perfectly orderly, and why some colors are more important than others, and why you need to chew each bite of food exactly ten times, even if it's something squishy like pudding or yogurt, why you cannot ever say dirty words, and why you do all of the little things you do. Because you have to, or bad things will happen. Nobody else you know understands why you need to follow these rules, and sometimes they try to get you to stop, or mess you up. But if you can't follow your rules then you start to sweat and panic, and you're 100% sure that bad things will start to happen if you don't make things right right away.<p>

So when your new roommate walks in and flicks the light switch on and off twice before sitting down on his bed, then zips and unzips his bag one-two one-two before reaching inside for his clothing in the same practiced, methodical way that you touch your pencil on your drafting papers ten times before making a single line and salute every blue car you see on your way to school, you know that he lives by rules, too. And you almost shake with relief, because for the first time, here is someone who will understand.


	8. Chapter 8

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>== BE THE SHRINK<p>

Your name is DR. ROSE LALONDE and you prefer the term "psychiatrist," thank you very much. You are leading today's session of GROUP THERAPY, which is an integral part of Green Sun's healing process. There are twelve teenagers in the group, and they have all arrived more or less at the same time, which, in your opinion, is a good thing. Starting off in the same place as everyone else allows them to view their progress and the progress of their peers as both personal and group triumphs, and encourages interpersonal skills. You tap your notepad with your pen, and then draw twelve neat boxes onto the top sheet, labeling each with a patient's name. You flick through their files as you wait for them to arrive.

Kanaya Maryam is the first one in the room, and she gives you a nod before sitting primly on the nearest couch and inspecting her nails. You recognize her from the picture in her file. She was a haute couture model, it says, homeschooled because of her demanding career, and she looks the part-tall and stately, with dark skin, intricate hair, and striking features. She is also so incredibly thin that it almost hurts you to look at her. The file also states that she was hospitalized from a malnutrition-induced heart attack before arriving here. You give a sympathetic wince, and jot down "anorexia nervosa" in her square on your notepad.

Next to arrive is Tavros Nitram. Kanaya gives him a small wave, and he looks at her, you, and at the near-empty room as if they is going to bite him. He stands, frozen, in the doorway with his eyes wide in terror and his breathing rapid and shallow. He seems to be on the verge of having a panic attack. You are about to rise to help him when Gamzee Makara lazily drifts in, as if he only found the correct room at the correct time by some lucky accident. He says something to Tavros as if he doesn't notice anything amiss, and Tavros visibly relaxes and allows Gamzee to lead him over to a couch. Gamzee sprawls across the seats with his legs in Tavros's lap, and the two appear to be having a conversation. Gamzee, however, is the only one actually talking. You make a note of this.

A few minutes later, Nepeta Leijon, Terezi Pyrope, and Feferi Peixes enter, chatting animatedly. Aradia Megido is being pulled along by Feferi, who seems to be trying to get her to enter the conversation. She looks vaguely overwhelmed, and sits at the far end of the couch, only on the fringe of their discussion. You are impressed that she's socializing at all after what you've been told about her, and write it down as an improvement. Feferi laughs at some comment of Terezi's, and in that moment, a gangly hipster boy enters the room. The name "Betty C." has only just started to scab over on his arm, but you can tell that Eridan Ampora has been absolutely starstruck by the governor's hippie-dippie daughter. He ruffles his hair and fiddles with his pretentious scarf nervously before tremblingly asking to sit next to her. She complies, and he watches her converse with a mixture of obsession and awe. Oh god.

* * *

><p>You're distracted from Eridan's lovestruck trainwreck when Karkat Vantas and Sollux Captor come in, bickering amiably and cussing out the food, which, in their words, is "fucking god-awful slop from fucking hell". You really should chastise Karkat for his language, but over the course of the four days that he has been here, you've learned that the word "fuck" is about as essential to him as exhalation. And you really don't want to start off the first session of Group with five feet and four inches of irate, sleep-deprived Karkat screaming in a baffling combination of Mexican and the word "fuckass."<p>

A tall, burly boy follows them down the hallway, wincing every time Karkat cusses, and it looks like Sollux is trying to engage him in their banter. He seems preoccupied though, and you notice that he appears to be counting the floor tiles with an almost inhuman concentration. He's walking carefully, only stepping on every tenth tile, but occasionally gets distracted by the conversation and answers Sollux, which throws him off. When this happens, he tenses up and perspires anxiously. He has long, dark hair, and appears to be Native American, aside from his hooked nose and piercing blue eyes. After flicking through your files to double-check, you write "obsessive-compulsive" down in the box of Equius Zahhak. He reaches up to tap the top of the door frame and Sollux flicks the light switch on-off on-off before either of them enter the room. They share embarrassed, but understanding smiles at this ritual before Sollux moves to sit next to Karkat and Equius stands awkwardly, looking for an open seat. Nepeta smiles and waves at him, patting the spot next to her, and he sits, introducing himself and complimenting her cat-eared hairband. She giggles, and they start talking. You smirk at how absurdly large he seems next to her tiny frame. It seems like they're getting along already.

The room appears to be full, and you clear your throat to quiet everyone down. "All right then, are we ready to start?"

Kanaya tentatively raises her hand, "Excuse Me Doctor Lalonde But Vriska Has Not Arrived Yet."

As if on cue, Vriska Serket bursts into the room, wrenching out of the grip of a nurse. He leaves, and she shoots him the finger with her good arm, yelling, "Yeah, fuck you! I wasn't trying to _escape_, I don't even need to _8e_ here, what kind of _8ullshit_ place doesn't even let people go for fuckin'_walks_?" She turns, and notices that the entire room is staring at her. "What?"

"Miss Serket, please have a seat. Now, are we ready to begin?"


	9. Chapter 9

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>==BE THE PATIENT<p>

You are now the patient. The shortest patient in the room, to be exact, which is humiliating because how is it possible that you're even shorter than the fucking catgirl? And you're wedged between Sollux and the juggalo guy, which annoys you even further. You've already decided that Group sucks when Dr. Lalonde decides to destroy your world.

"Now that everyone has arrived, let's begin. Because this is our first day working together, I want us to go around the circle and state our names, why we are here at Green Sun, and something about ourselves."

There is the obligatory collective groan, but you honestly feel like you want to disappear into the ugly upholstery of the couch. You pull the sleeves of your oversized sweatshirt even further down your arms so they cover your hands completely, sink your chin into the collar, and scowl so hard that a chunk of carpet might have just gotten singed under your gaze. Sollux smirks at you, obviously about to make some kind of snarky jab about how stupid you look, and you glare at him. The shrink's chosen Vriska to go first, and she's rambling about not needing to be here and how doctors are full of shit or something; you don't actually care that much so you've been tuning her out. Gamzee's head lolls onto your shoulder; it looks like he's falling asleep. You elbow him, but he doesn't react. Gross, he's getting that nasty-ass facepaint on your sweatshirt. You elbow him again, and he jolts, which dislodges his legs from Tavros's lap and somehow knocks him onto the floor. Nepeta stops talking about her issues with cat hoarding or furry porn or whatever her problem is and everyone stares at your couch. You shrug at them, innocent as pie. Gamzee's all like "WhOA sOrRy ThErE bRoThEr WhAt EvEn JuSt HaPpEnEd?" and slides back up. Order is restored. Only a few more people left until it's your turn, fuck. You try to listen to the hippie girl-Fiona? Felicity?-talk about her nervous breakdown but you're too nervous to pay attention. You whisper to Sollux that this blows. He tells you to shut up, Feferi's talking. Oh. So that's her name.

By the time Kanaya is telling the room about her modeling and diets and heart attack-which is actually pretty interesting-you're frantically chewing on your sleeve because she's only four seats away. Gamzee chuckles and tells you you're fixing to wear a hole through it. You call him a_mierdo culo_ and he just looks absolutely awestruck and asks you to sing _La Cucaracha_. It's so absurd that you actually chuckle through your mouthful of sweatshirt. You notice that Tavros is also trying not to laugh, but he freezes up when you meet his eyes. Terezi finishes telling everyone about her PTSD from going blind, and is being handed Kleenex and offered hugs. Tavros then freezes up even more when he realizes that it's now his turn to speak. Dr. Lalonde says something encouraging, but he's already on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Can you at least tell us your name?" she asks, not unkindly. He stares at her, eyes wide, breathing shallow, and worries one of his lip rings with his teeth. You watch this intently. Maybe if he panics everyone will forget about you. You kick yourself for having such a cruel thought, but still can't help but hope for any salvation short of a meteor wiping out the building. Meanwhile, Tavros's eyes have filled with tears. Gamzee reaches over, casual as ever, and takes his hand. Somehow, he almost makes it look accidental. But it seems to help, and Tavros doesn't go over the edge into full-blown panic. He's staring intently at the floor, clutching Gamzee's hand like a lifeline. After a few minutes, it looks like he's trying to say something, but can't get the words out.

Dr. Lalonde sighs. "Tavros, I can see that you're trying. It's okay, you don't have to speak today. But we will work on this during your individual session. Now, who's next? Mr. Makara?"

Gamzee starts rambling about how he's a clown or something, and halfway through a sentence remembers what he's actually supposed to be talking about. As you hear his hazy version of events-apparently he's schizophrenic to the extreme and flipped out one day because of the voices, almost beat one of his gang members to death, and the rest of them jumped him, "sCaRrEd My FaCe Up LiKe A mOtHeRfUckEr"-you start frantically looking for escape routes. Sollux is looking at you like you just grew horns. You flip him off, making sure that Dr. Lalonde can't see, and wonder if you can pull a fire alarm without her noticing. Maybe you can learn sign language, teach Vriska, and persuade her to do something insane in the span of five minutes while not leaving this couch. Gamzee's finishing his explanation of his arrest being waived so he could get treatment, and saying how relieved he is that he's been prescribed meds that actually work. Apparently he used to do a ton of illegal stuff to make the voices go away, wow. Now, though, he's "oN tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg MeThAdOnE" to keep him from going into heroin withdrawal, and on more drugs than the rest of you combined to keep his symptoms under control. No wonder he always looks half asleep. This is all fascinating to you, really, but your turn is next and you're pretty sure that you're going to die. You whisper-ask Sollux if he can kill you and make it look like an accident. He snickers and tells you to grow up. You punch him. He pokes you-goddamn, his fingers are sharp. You're about to start an all-out war when the room turns its attention to you, and you pray fervently one last time to dissolve into the couch.

"Mr. Vantas?"

"Um."

"In case you haven't been paying attention, which I sincerely hope to not be true, we're sharing our names, why we are here, and something about ourselves. Would you be so kind as to contribute?"

"Um."

Fuck. You're tempted to try your "No English" face but she already knows that that's bullshit. Maybe you can make yourself cry? Nope, not working. You stare at Sollux and try to get him to read your mind, because you're sending him a steady stream of "oh gog please Sollux if we are truly friends you will kill me right now", but he doesn't seem to be getting it.

"Mr. Vantas?"

Fuck.

"Um. I'm Karkat."

"And why are you here, Karkat?"

"That's personal."

"We're sharing with the group, Karkat. We're all friends here. No one will judge you."

"It's still personal." Maybe if you pull your sweatshirt over enough limbs, it will eat you and you can disappear forever. You try to contact Sollux telepathically again, but he doesn't seem to hear you. He seems to be hearing the exact opposite, actually, because he then decides it'd be a great idea to encourage you to talk, all "Go on KK you can do thii2." You glare at him, and at everyone else who has taken his cue and started to try the same.


	10. Chapter 10

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>== BE THE SHRINK AGAIN<p>

You return to being the shrink. You allow yourself to only be slightly exasperated by Karkat's reticence, but are pleasantly surprised to see the group banding together to show him their support. After a few neat notations and the vaguely disgusting noise of Karkat gnawing a hole through his sweatshirt, you decide to speak.

"Karkat, is there a reason why you won't tell us what brought you here?"

He shrugs.

"Are you embarrassed by it?"

He shrugs again. You wait. Sollux nudges him. He opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it again. You give him a few more seconds, and are about to give up, when he decides to speak.

"I guess," he mumbles. His voice cracks.

"Karkat, there is no need to be embarrassed. Nobody's issues are any more or less important than anyone else's."

"It's just stupid."

"Nobody's problems are stupid, Karkat."

He's staring intently at the floor. His entire bearing has shifted from being a tiny ball of fury to a hunched, tense form who looks like he's on the verge of tears. A few of the other patients look concerned. Terezi offers him the box of tissues-she's holding it out in the wrong direction, but Aradia nudges her arm so it's pointing at him. He gets up and takes one, and blows his nose loudly. You notice that he's not meeting anyone's eyes.

"I can see that you are not yet ready to discuss this with the group, Karkat."

He shakes his head. He's chewing on his sweatshirt again.

"You can have a pass on it for today. But you can't keep all of this inside forever. We'll address this during individual, okay?"

Silence. Finally, he nods without looking up at you. You write a quick note summarizing his behavior for his therapist.

* * *

><p>== BE THE PATIENT<p>

You are once again Karkat Vantas, and you are sniffling like a baby. That was the most terrifying five minutes of your life. Next to you, Sollux has started telling everyone how he's bipolar and obsessive-compulsive about the number two. You feel like everyone is staring at you. You look up for a second, notice that all eyes are on Sollux, and heave a sigh of relief. You need another tissue, but the box is all the way across the room. You wipe your nose on your sleeve instead. Equius looks horrified. You don't even have the energy to smirk at that. Instead, you actually start listening to what Sollux is saying.

"...at fiir2t they thought II wa2 2chiizophreniic 'cau2e II would hear voiice2 duriing my maniic epii2ode2, but iit turn2 out that iit'2 ju2t a 2ymptom of haviing bad biipolar, ii2n't that weiird? But yeah, after a whiile II got 2o bad that II couldn't even do my programmiing, let alone go to 2chool, and that 2ucked, 2o my dad2 a2ked around and II ended up here."

You wonder how he can talk about his problems so easily. After Sollux wraps up, Dr. Lalonde caps her pen and asks everyone what they'd like to talk about. You tune her out. You realize that you're exhausted, and find yourself dozing off to the sound of your fellow patients' voices. The doc doesn't seem to notice, or maybe she just doesn't mind after your traumatic introduction. Either way, you spend the rest of Group half-asleep and still sniffling. Sollux doesn't even poke you too hard when you slump onto him, but he does punch you when you start drooling. Afterwards, a few people try to comfort you (and force you to talk about your issues), but they soon get distracted by Vriska trying to run off... again. You're starting to think that you can tolerate it here.


	11. Chapter 11

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>== BE THE SPIDER8ITCH<p>

You can't be the spider8itch, because you are too busy wreaking havoc. In the few days that you have been at Green Sun, you've attempted escape three times (that damn John nurse-guy caught you _every time_); gotten caught smoking during Activity Period, and were subsequently searched for contraband (they'll never find the cigarettes you shoved in your bra. And your hair.); made Eridan cry, felt bad, then tried to make it up to him by giving him cigarettes (he got caught with them before he even lit up, what the hell?); caused a fingerpaint explosion with Terezi after the two of you sneaked out of Art Therapy; and helped Kanaya hide all of her food at dinner-aaaaaaaall of it.

Now it's just another typical morning. Kanaya woke you up again-if she didn't you'd always miss the breakfast bell-and now the two of you are walking down to the cafeteria. She keeps giving you looks like you're going to abscond at any second. It's almost flattering how she bugs and fusses and meddles over you, but you know for a fact that she's no princess herself. You've seen her hide her food, after all. Hell, you've _helped_. It almost makes you worry a little bit, 'cause damn, she's only seventeen and she's already had a heart attack, but mostly you just hate this place and want to cause as much trouble as you can. Maybe you can get them to kick you out. You're happily pondering this possibility when Kanaya starts fussing about your hair.

"Honestly Vriska Do You Even Brush It?"

"Awwwwwwww, don't 8e like that, Miss Priss. My hair's fine!"

"Vriska There Are Crayons Stuck In It."

"W8 seriously? Sweet! Want to help me shove them in the heating vents l8r? We can m8ke wax puddles!"

"I Will Never Understand You," she smirks, and shoves the door to the cafeteria open for you, and you feel a twinge of guilt when you notice that even that tiny exertion has left her out of breath. You grab the door from her, and make a show of bowing and waving her through as if you're a gentleman in a corny old movie. The effect is lost, since you have to wave with your bad arm, but you still manage to get her to crack a smile.

The cafeteria is a zoo. You guess that it's bound to be, if you shove that many screwed-up kids together all at once, add food, rinse, and repeat. It's got the weird smell of hospital food-a strange, humid mixture of overcooked green beans, sour milk, and rubbing alcohol-and is always like 8000 degrees too warm. John, that nurse guy who keeps catching you doing shit you're not supposed to, hands you and Kanaya your silverware. You've got to return it when the meal ends-they check. You scowl. This place is like _prison_. He beams at you, optimistic as ever.

"Good morning, ladies! They've got pancakes for breakfast today! Are you hungry?" Seriously, how can he smile this early in the morning. It's disgusting. You glare at him, and he laughs.

* * *

><p>Once you've gotten your food (Kanaya glared at the pancakes like they had personally offended her, and would only allow low-fat yogurt onto her tray), you try to maneuver your way to your group's table. In the crowded cafeteria, it's harder than it looks. You bump Eridan's chair while trying to get to an open seat-accidentally, you swear!-spilling some of your milk on his pretentious scarf, and he jumps up from flirting with a bemused Feferi to yell at you about how it's some kind of fancy fucking pashmina or something. You promise on your good arm, your mother's life, and a few hidden cigarettes to be more careful, and plunk down between Terezi and Equius to survey the morning's chaos. Equius is meticulously cutting his pancakes into perfect squares, and Nepeta is giggling and leaning across the table to arrange them into smiley-faces whenever he isn't looking. Terezi and Karkat seem to be having an argument from opposite ends of the table, and the larger his scowl gets, the more she cackles. Gamzee sits more or less between them, his head bobbing back and forth like he's watching a tennis match. Feferi and Aradia are fiddling with Sollux's hair and glasses and clothes, and he's attempting to look annoyed but failing miserably. Eridan is watching him with intense jealousy while Tavros giggles at the fact that Sollux is now sporting ludicrously short pigtails.<p>

You finish your pancakes quickly, and stare at the individually-wrapped piece of white bread in confusion. Why would they put bread in cellophane? Your orange juice is the same way-it's contained in what appears to be a pudding cup. Such are the mysteries of life and hospital food. After unwrapping the bread and giving it a test nibble, you and Terezi, who appears to have given up tormenting Karkat, try to figure out exactly what it tastes like-because it definitely isn't bread. After two more bites and a weird chemical aftertaste, you start pinching it into little balls and trying to toss them into Tavros's glass of orange juice. He gives you a horrified look, and you shoot him your sweetest smile. You've got to toughen him up! Terezi drubs you with her cane and tells you to be nice. How she can always figure out what you're doing is completely beyond you. The bell rings to signal the end of breakfast, and Kanaya absconds as fast as is humanly possible like she does at every meal. You follow in time to hear John reprimanding her for leaving so much food on her tray.

"...Kanaya, we just want you to be healthy, you should really eat more! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day-hey, Vriska, get back here, you haven't given me your silverware!" He catches you trying to steal it _every day_. You honestly don't know what you'd do with it if you didn't get caught, but hell.

"Joooooooohn, I wasn't t8king it, I swear! I just forgot! Again!"

"Sure Vriska, I'll believe that. Don't forget we're watching a movie during Activity Period today, so we'll be in the dayroom instead of our normal room!"

"Whatever!"

"Aww, don't be like that Vriska, we're watching _Con Air_! It's totally my favorite, you'll love it!"

You make a mental note to skip Activity Period at all costs, just to bug him. Kanaya's waiting for you outside, and the two of you set off together for the morning's group medication period. You'd rather not be stuck in a room while being slowly bored to death by the discussion of dosages and symptoms and shit, but you can sleep through it without getting caught most of the time. Just another morning _in freaking prison_. Maybe you can stick the crayons in a heating vent on the way.


	12. Chapter 12

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>== BE THE COOLKID<p>

You are not a kid, you are an adult with a doctorate. However, you _are_indisputably cool, so you'll let it slide just this once. You are DOC STRIDENASTY, or Dr. Dave Strider to your less interesting patients, and you have just finished taking down endless notes about your patients' dosages and side effects and insurance policies. You had to adjust Captor's dosage again, convince Vantas that an SSRI is not going to turn him into a zombie, and order urine tests for like half the damn group to make sure they're actually taking their meds. Well, you want to make sure that Vantas and Maryam are taking things-Maryam's vitamins, supplements, and heart medication and Vantas's antidepressants, which he is very ornery about and keeps insisting that he doesn't need them. You also need to ensure that a few of them _aren't_taking things, though. Makara's on a huge amount of medication, but you have to monitor him constantly to make sure he's not on anything you didn't prescribe, and the Serket girl is so insane that you wouldn't be surprised if she managed to sneak something illegal in.

All the kids are leaving, now, except for Zahhak, who you've been trying to convince that an odd number of pills will not have any negative effect on his health, the global economy, or the structural integrity of the building. He's sweating and grinding his teeth and generally freaking out over it, and you're starting to get concerned that his OCD will make him screw up his dosage. He finally seems pacified when you tell him you'll have all of his pills halved so there will be an even number of pieces, and an impatient Sollux pops his head back into the room to whine at him for taking so long.

"Come on, EQ, the dayroom'2 gonna be full before you get your a22 moviing! And al2o NP ii2 gonna explode iif you don't 2how up, 2eriiou2ly."

"D- Ok, ok, I'm coming. Thank you, Doctor Strider."

"No problem, kid. We're gonna work on this, though. Can't go splitting your pills up forever. They get so lonely living separate lives, all dealing with the pain of divorce and having shared custody of the kids; it just about breaks my heart."

He just looks at you in confusion.

"It was a joke, Zahhak. Go hang out with Captor. You two are the comp-sci geeks, right? Go build a robot or something."

"D- Yes sir."

"That was another joke, Zahhak."

"D- Oh."


	13. Chapter 13

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span> TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDAL CONNTENT THIS CHAPTER. <span>_**

==BE THE SPOOKY GIRL

You are the spooky girl. When wouldn't you have been the spooky girl? That's a stupid command. But you're 0k with it; you're 0k with a lot of things. Right now, you're sitting in the dayroom and not doing much of anything.

The dayroom is crowded, even when nobody is in it-it's small, with couple of couches, a television that seems to be permanently tuned to MTV, a ping-pong table, and a kitchenette all wedged into one space. There's also an ancient, slow computer that wheezes to life only when it wants to and is supposed to only be used for school work but usually winds up being used for YouTube and email until it gets overwhelmed and crashes. Your entire group has somehow wedged themselves inside and are causing their usual chaos.

A friendly nurse named Jade decided a few minutes ago that you couldn't just sit around in your room doing nothing, and ushered you into the dayroom with some arts and crafts supplies and told you to make something cool and have fun! So now you're just sitting on the couch with a box of beads and string and crayons and stuff, still doing nothing. How productive.

Eventually, Feferi and Sollux come over. You like them, you guess. They've been friendly to you, at least, and Sollux is a good person to talk to if you want advice but don't want to deal with any doctors. He gets almost as depressed as you, sometimes, which sucks but at least makes you feel less lonely. And even when he's not that depressed, he'll drop everything and let you talk or not talk as much as you need to, just offering his companionship so you don't have to feel so alone all the time. You appreciate it. In only a few days, you've already started to consider him your closest friend. He and Feferi also don't make you embarrassed about being on suicide watch and not being able to be anywhere on your own without being accompanied by a staff member.

You're actually starting to regret the whole trying-to-kill-yourself thing, now that you're starting to make friends. You've been assuring the shrinks that you were just in a bad place-you were lonely, had just gotten out of a terrible foster home, and had stopped taking your antidepressants, and things just went from there until you got your hands on enough sleeping pills to stop your heart-but they're still worried that you'll try again. So is your new foster family. You feel bad about trying to check out before even getting to know them-they're an older couple, in their sixties, and they're paying for your treatment here and everything. They even brought you flowers back at the hospital, and visited you every day-they visit you here, too, every chance they get. It almost makes you regret what you tried to do.

Anyway, Feferi is bouncing all over you, as usual. You don't really mind. The attention is actually kind of nice. Sometimes it's a little bit much, but she doesn't have an unkind bone in her body and doesn't mean to overwhelm you. She's -EXCITED about the craft kit-she's excited about everything-and can't believe that you're not as enthused as she is. "Ohmycod Aradia, where'd you get that! We can make so much cool stuff wit)( t)(is!"

"Jade gave it t0 me. Fr0m the Art Therapy r00m. She said it's 0k f0r us t0 use it in here."

"That's so GR-EAT!"

"It's 0k."

"They're ju2t bead2, FF."

"Come on, you know it's totally great!"

"It's t0tally great."

"T)(at's t)(e spirit!"

Feferi commandeers the beads in the box right away. She's already taken off her weird leather headband-string-thing, and is stringing bright plastic beads onto it with no regard for color or pattern. Sollux smirks at you. The corners of your mouth twitch up in return. He starts making some kind of complicated bracelet while Feferi tries to braid beads into his hair-it's really too short for that, and the colors she's using are clashing with the blonde, honestly-when Terezi comes over and asks what you're doing.

"That nur2e, Jade, gave AA a beadiing kiit and now FF ii2 tryiing to cover every 2quare iinch of u2 iin bead2."

"SOUNDS L1K3 4 BL4ST." She sounds a little disappointed. You remember what she said about how much she was into art, and how she can't do it anymore, so you guess you understand why. It must suck to plan your life around colors and then never be able to see them again. Sollux notices, too, and starts trying to distract her.

"2he took my head ho2tage help me TZ you're my only hope."

"O)( )(ush your carping, Sollux, I know you're enjoying this!"

"Oh gog 2he'2 acce22orii2ing me make her 2top help oh gog the paiin..!"

Eventually, she starts laughing and sits down and starts making things with the rest of you. You tell her the color of each bead she picks up, and eventually she starts sticking them in her mouth. You stare at her, confused, and she just says, "1 C4N F33L TH31R SH4P3 B3TT3R TH1S W4Y," through a plasticky mouthful. Karkat wanders over in the middle of this exchange and starts teasing her, telling her next thing she'll be doing is licking peoples' faces. She then starts chasing him around the room, trying to put him in a headlock and lick him, but mostly trips over furniture instead.

The dayroom is loud and crowded and busy, and you're starting to get overwhelmed by all the people. This keeps happening to you-you start being able to function and almost have a social life, and then you get all down again. You pull your hair over your face and pretend to be absorbed in what you're doing, but really you're just trying to figure out how to get away from everyone without being rude. Sollux eventually notices and gives you his "need two talk?" look, and you shake your head no. You know he'd abscond with you and let you either vent or just sit silently-you've been known to do either-but he's having too much fun with Feferi for you to pull him away. So you just sit and pretend to watch the TV. Eventually you claim you're going to the bathroom, but plan on just sitting in the hallway instead. Unless Jade is your hallway-escort, you'll probably be able to do it in peace.

* * *

><p>==TAVROS: ENTER THE DAYROOM<p>

You're currently trying to enter the dayroom. You've been trying for about twenty minutes already. But every time you reach for the door knob, you seize up and start freaking out and worrying about people looking at you or talking to you or something. Gamzee is probably in there, and he'd be nice to you and make you feel calm, but you'd still have to deal with everyone else. And Vriska would probably follow you around and torment you like she does every time you're in the same room together.

You have to be brave, though, you decide. You can't be terrified forever. Plus, Gazmee found your Fiduspawn cards last night and asked you to teach him to play, and you don't want to disappoint him. You hold onto that thought, muster up all your courage, and reach for the door-when it opens. You jump back with a whimper, and Aradia looks at you in confusion.

"S0rry. I didn't mean t0 surprise y0u," she says. She holds the door open for you, but you shake your head. You need a minute to calm down after that. She shrugs, and sits down on the floor, her head resting on the wall. "I just needed t0 get away fr0m every0ne f0r a little while," she explains. "S0metimes it's just t00 much t0 handle." You jump, and move to go-she probably just wants you to go away, she probably wants to be alone.

"Tavr0s. C0me back. It's fine; I d0n't mind if y0u're here. Y0u can sit, if y0u want."

You freeze, and weigh your options. You're tempted to just abscond the fuck out of here, but Aradia doesn't scare you too much. She seems nice, actually, and Doc Stridenasty-you're _sure_that that's not his real name but he insists that it is-keeps telling you that you need to challenge yourself and try to interact with people, even if it's just a little bit at a time. Finally, you nod, and sit down next to her-not too close, not too close, oh god don't bump into her-and let out a shaky breath that you didn't realize you were holding. She seems content with silence, and you're thankful for that at least. You keep shooting her nervous looks. When she notices, she gives you a sad little smile. You quickly avert your eyes and fiddle with your binder of cards.

"Are th0se Fiduspawn cards?" she asks. She seems genuinely interested. You nod.

"I have a t0n of th0se. I didn't bring them with me, th0ugh. I didn't think any0ne here w0uld play. Is it 0k if I l00k?"

More than anything, you suddenly want to be able to talk. You want to tell her "yEAH," like any normal person. Maybe make small talk, compare your rare cards and best games. But you don't make talk, small or otherwise. So you just nod again, and scoot closer so she can examine the cards in their plastic sheaths.

"W0w, a h0l0graphic h0rsar0ni, that's really rare!" she exclaims. She actually sounds enthusiastic-you've never heard her like this before. "D0 y0u have a l0t of rare cards?"

You want to tell her that these aren't your only Fiduspawn cards, that you have even more binders full of them at home and that you have online games with your internet friends and have swapped with them through email and FedEx, but you don't say anything. At one point, you try to, and your throat closes up in a weird sort of panicky feeling. She gives you a funny look when that happens, part confusion and part pity. It makes you uncomfortable, so you slide one of your best cards out of the plastic and show it to her with a tiny smile. She smiles back, and exclaims over it and tries to ask just yes-or-no nod-or-shake questions and the two of you continue your sort-of conversation for a while.

Eventually, though, she stops talking and looks at you. You look away and chew on your lip ring.

"Tavr0s."

You look back at her.

"It's 0k if y0u d0n't want t0 talk. 0r if y0u can't. I'm n0t g0ing t0 try t0 f0rce y0u, y0u kn0w," she half-whispers, like it's a secret she's only sharing with you. "I kn0w h0w hard it can be t0 talk t0 pe0ple." She gives you an awkward half-smile, and finally looks away.

You look away, too, and stare at the cards in your lap. Eventually, she starts talking about Fiduspawn again, and role-playing games, and it's like she never said anything special to you at all. But you can't stop thinking about it. So when her aide walks over from his chair down the hall and tells her that she has an appointment with Dr. Lalonde, you can't just watch her get up and walk away.

",,,wAIT," you mumble. Your voice cracks. You wonder if it's withering away from disuse. She hears you, though, and turns. You stare at the floor.

"aRADIA,,," you say, almost inaudibly, still never meeting her eyes, ",,tHANKS."

You can't see it, but she's smiling. A real smile, wide and genuine.

"Anytime, Tavr0s. We'll have t0 play Fiduspawn t0gether s0meday, when we get 0ut 0f here. 0k?"

You can feel yourself smiling, too. So hard that it would hurt if it didn't feel so _nice_.

",,,,,,,oKAY,"


	14. Chapter 14

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>==EVERYONE: ENTER INDIVIDUAL THERAPY<p>

**"So, how are you feeling today?"**

"Oh fuck off, it's not like you 8ctually c8re."

"I guess I'm 0k. Better than I was I guess? I'm making friends. Wh0? 0h, S0llux and Feferi and Tavr0s, m0stly. Equius is nice, t00, but we d0n't speak as 0ften. I d0n't feel as bad when they're ar0und. It's nice, I guess."

"Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant, it's not like the whole world is still going on outside and I'm not in it-YES it's a big deal, everyone is out there fucking ruminating on my whereabouts like 'Oh Karkat's stuck in the loony bin for having his head shoved so far up his ass that it's coming out of his neck in some kind of fucking ridiculous anatomical mobius double-reacharound ELL-OH-FUCKING-ELL isn't that just FUCKING HILARIOUS'-no I am not getting defensiveit's just stupid and what are you even talking about? Ofcourse it's shameful to be here it means I'm loco as fuck-"

**"Have you bonded with anyone in the group?"**

"Bonded? Hell I'll be datin Fef by the time wwe get out of this she is amazin and I think she feels the same wway-wwhat? No I'm not movvin on too fast I am perfectly capable of havvin a successful fuckin relationship..."

"WeLl TaVrOs iS oNe CoOl MoThErFuCkEr. QuIeT tHoUgH. bUt I wIsH i KnEw MoRe GuYs LiKe HiM bEfOrE i GoT hErE, pRoBaBlY wOuLdA hElPeD tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR oUt A lOt. NaH i NeVeR rEaLlY hAd SuPpOrTiVe FrIeNdS, mY mAiN mOtHeRfUcKeRs iN tHe GaNg wErE eVeN mOrE fUcKeD uP tHaN mE aNd ThEy'D fLy OfF tHe MoThErFuCkInG hAnDlE iF yOu GoT tHeM aNgRy-hEh, WeLl sO dId I bUt WhAtEvEr, aNd My DaD wAs NeVeR aRoUnD mUcH."

":33 Equius and I get along wonderfurly! Noooo, not like that! He's in college, that's too old! He's like a brother, only not annoying! He's helping me take my mind off of my cats, and I guess even though I still feel pawful about not being able to take care of all of them I guess.. that I wasn't taking very good care of them since I had so many? That's what he told me and it made me feel a lot better."

**"We talked about your treatment goals in our last session. Have you accomplished any of them yet?"**

"I Can Assure You That I Have Met All Of My Goals And That's Really All There Is To Say On The Matter. No, We Do Not Need To Examine These Successes. _No._ I Do Not Appreciate The Fact That I Am Not To Be Trusted You Really Do Not Need To Have Me Weighed_Daily_ Honestly That's Simply Ridiculous."

",,,uM, i TALKED. iN FRONT OF sOMEONE,,,, aRADIA. nO, THIS IS, uH, dIFFERENT? iT'S uM, cLINICAL, iN THAT YOU ARE BEING pAID TO BE HERE, AND, uM,,, nOT JUDGE ME, oR FORCE ME TO, uH,, dO THINGS, tHAT MAKE ME,,,, uNCOMFORTABLE, aND YOU'RE A dOCTOR,,,, bUT IT WAS, uH, dIFFERENT, WITH aRADIA, sINCE SHE IS, uM, a PERSON, wHO IS NOT PAID TO INTERACT, uH, wITH ME, aND THAT i WANTED TO, uHH,, sPEAK WITH HER? vOLUNTARILY?"

"D- I have succeeded in remembering the four R's. They have not been 100% effective as of yet but I am attempting to recognize and halt the obsessive behooviors. This morning I walked from my room to the cafeteria without counting the f100r tiles. It felt horribly... depraved. But I suppose that it could be counted as a success. In the eyes of professionals."

**"What were some high and low points that you've experienced since our last session?"**

"HM... 4RT TH3R4PY 1S PR3TTY MUCH 4 CONST4NT LOW PO1NT FOR M3. 1'V3 B33N TRY1NG TO P4RT1C1P4TE, BUT 1T'S SOM3TIM3S TOO H4RD TO D34L W1TH. HOW DO 1 P4RT1C1P4T3? W3LL.. JOHN H4S B33N 3NCOUR4G1NG M3 TO SCULPT, S1NC3 1 C4N F33L WH4T 1'M DOING, BUT 1T'S H4RD TO NOT B3 4BL3 TO P41NT. 3SP3C14LLY WH1L3 S1TTING 1N 4N 4RT ROOM. MY MOM C4M3 TO V1S1T, TH4T W4S 4 H1GH PO1NT. SH3 S41D TH4T MY COLL3G3 OFF3R3D TO L3T M3 SW1TCH M4JORS W1TH 4 FULL SCHOL4RSH1P, WH1CH 1S PR3TTY COOL. 1 R34LLY DON'T KNOW WH4T 3LS3 1 COULD DO, THOUGH. 4RT W4S MY WHOLE L1F3."

"_W)(ale_, I've )(ad a lot of trouble wit)( my parents wh)(en t)(ey visited-well, my mom visited. S)(e's still not pleased t)(at t)(is w)(ole t)(ing )(appened. T)(at triggered a lot of anxiety for me. Dealing wit)( my sc)(oolwork, too. It's so glubbing _)(ard_ sometimes! I used to be on top of all of it! And I got a call from my sc)(ool, and t)(ey've replaced me as captain of the swim team, which is glubbing awful. It's just causing me so much stress. In )(ere I'm okay, but outside stuff keeps coming in! Activity periods are definitely )(igh points though! I reel-y like Seallux. And Aradia! S)(e's quiet, t)(oug)(. Eridan is nice, too, but )(e comes on _way_ too strong! I'm )(appy I've made fronds )(ere t)(oug)(!"

"FF i2 pretty much her own hiigh poiint. 2he'2 amazing. 2o are Aradiia and KK, but we get along iin a diiferent way. AA'2 better two have a 2eriiou2 conver2atiion wiith, or two talk about hard 2tuff wiith, and KK ii2 a guy 2o iit'2 diifferent, ok? FF i2 liike the happiie2t giirl ever though. Ummm, my low poiint? My med2 are giiviing me wiicked dry mouth. And the computer iin the dayroom ii2 total 2hiit." 

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The therapist's questions here are bolded. They're either Dave or Rose-they'll be characterized further later, but for now I just wanted to show the patients' reactions to generic therapeutic questions!**


	15. Chapter 15

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>==KARKAT: GET ANGRY<p>

That's a pretty fucking stupid command. You're always angry, it seems. Terezi sure seems to think so. You're sitting between her and Kanaya in the dayroom, and you've just finished receiving a drubbing for being angry about the shitty programs on the TV. The only reason the drubbings even stopped was because it's time for the day's cell phone break, and everyone is frantically trying to fill their allotted fifteen minutes with as many text-messages as possible. Kanaya's biting her lip as she scrolls through the emails on her Blackberry-she confessed in Group yesterday that she's probably getting fired from the agency she works for because of their zero-tolerance policy for anorexics-and Terezi's got her earbuds in as her texts are being read to her. You're just idly fiddling with your piece-of-shit phone, because your dad is the only person you've wanted to text all the time you've been here and you refuse to read the messages that your friends have sent. They're probably all laughing at you, anyways. Or worse, they feel bad for you. You can't bear to read messages full of fake pity.

You slump back against the shitty couch and turn your phone off. Then you remember that you didn't text your dad yet, so you wait for it to turn on again. Fucking piece of junk. You tap out an "_Estoy bien. Te echo de menos. Saluda a mamà_," and send it fast, before you can get any more texts. Last time you checked, you had ten unread messages, not counting the ones from your dad. You deleted them all without reading them, and you don't want to deal with deleting any more.

Kanaya sighs and rolls her eyes towards you. "Cell Phones Have A Remarkable Amount Of Stress Associated With Them For Devices Of Such A Small Size."

"Tell me about it. Like I don't get enough of that shit here."

"I Don't Know I Find It Pretty Relaxing Here, As Long As The Doctors Aren't Around."

"Seriously? This place is a fucking madhouse. If I don't have to deal with Gamzee stumbling into my room in the middle of the night 'cause he forgot his way back from the fucking bathroom I've got to deal with cane-girl drubbings-"

"H33H33H33, YOU KNOW YOU LOV3 1T K4RKL3S."

"-or hipster boy showing off his scars like fucking war medals or-"

"I Barely Even Notice Eridan's Scars. Why Do They Bother You So Much?"

"It's nothing, forget it."

"1T DO3SN'T SOUND L1K3 NOTH1NG!"

"Oh go sniff some fucking glue or something."

"NO W4Y, YOUR _OBV1OUS D1SCOMFORT_ SM3LLS W4Y B3TT3R."

"Terezi I Don't Think That Discomfort Has A Scent."

"1T TOT4LLY DO3S. 4LSO WH4T K1ND OF SH1T 1S ON TV S3R1OUSLY 1F 1 H4V3 TO W4TCH ON3 MOR3 3P1SOD3 OF J3RS3Y SHOR3 1'M GONN4 DRUB WHO3V3R H4S TH3 R3MOT3 SO H4RD TH31R GR4NDK1DS'LL F33L 1T."

Vriska let out a shout of protest at that, and Terezi threw her cane surprisingly accurately at her head. They then bickered furiously for a few moments before Terezi won and the TV started blaring out Judge Judy.

"4NYW4Y K4RKL3S, NO ON3 3V3N KNOWS WHY YOU'R3 H3R3. YOU'V3 GOTTA LOOS3N UP 4ND STOP B31NG SO D3F3NS1V3."

"Oh like you're one to talk about being _defensive_, as soon as we go near the Art Therapy room you get touchier than a rabid cat clawing its way out of a giant bucket of catnip-spiked bong-water."

"That Certainly Was A Colorful Metaphor."

"I'm the _god_ of metaphors."

"TH4T'S D1FF3R3NT."

"It fucking is not."

"1S TOO."

This went on until Kanaya broke you up and forced you to sit on opposite ends of the couch. You pull your sleeves over your hands and sulkas obviously as possible before remembering that Terezi can't even see how impressive you look. Kanaya, however, can see all and gives you a half-amused, half-reproachful look. You give her the finger and she smirks. Terezi is absorbed in the chaotic courtroom antics and deaf to the rest of the world, so you steal a sheet from Eridan's pretentious leather-bound sketchbook (that has no real art in it, but he carries it around anyways to look cool), ball it up, and chuck it at her head. It takes her a few tries, but she finds you and gives you a wicked drubbing before John laughs and tells her to quit it from his post at the door.

* * *

><p>==FAST-FORWARD TO INDIVIDUAL THERAPY<p>

You're now in the waiting room for Individual, and trying to stop fidgeting because Individual always seems to freak you out. The fact that Terezi, Vriska, Kanaya, and Gamzee are also here is pretty helpful at distracting you from wearing another hole in your sweatshirt, though. Aside from the fact that Kanaya's decided to keep meddling with you about your stupid slip-up in the dayroom earlier, which has only set Terezi off on an even more hyperactive cross-examination than usual.

A few minutes ago, in an exasperated rage, you'd asked her, "Why are you even still here? Your session ended like a fucking half hour ago."

"B3C4US3 1 JUST C4N'T T34R MYS3LF 4W4Y FROM YOU K4RKL3S," she'd cackled, then tried to lick your face, and that was the end of that discussion. She always seemed to be in a better mood after her sessions with "Doc Stridenasty"-that _cannot_ be his real name-probably because he was such a huge fucking douchebag and she just seems drawn to those kinds of people. Case in point as to why she's talking to you.

Vriska, meanwhile, is telling an awestruck Gamzee how she ended up at this shithole. You're half-tempted to inform her that he's probably not listening, and only staring in awe at the mess of greens and purples and blues of her slowly-healing shiner, but she seems halfway personable for once so you don't want to ruin the moment. However, as you tune out Terezi's diatribe you realize that she's probably embellishing-no way she got escorted here by a SWAT team after a giant police chase and a gas station explosion.

"Vriska I'm Afraid That I Need To Call Bullshit On This Story."

"Hell no, this is ex8ctly how it h8ppened! Why would I lie to you?"

"Maybe because you're a conniving bitch."

"Awwwwwwww Karkat, th8t was uncalled for!"

"MaN wHy'D yOu StOp It WaS JuSt GeTtInG gOoD!"

"1T W4S JUST G3TT1NG TO B3 TH3 SH1TTY PLOT OF 'L4W 4B1D1NG C1T1Z3N' 1S WH4T YOU M3AN," Terezi cackles.

"SiStEr ThAt MoViE WaS mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaCuLoUs DoN't EvEn Go ThErE."

"I'm a8out to get 8ored of telling you guys my fascin8ting tale if you don't all shut up soon!"

"Why don't you fucking tell us how you _actually_got here then?"

"Why don't you do the same thing,_Kaaaaaaarkles_?" Vriska sneers.

"Why don't you SUCK MY RAGING BULGESNAKE." You have run out of patience. You have none of the patience for this spiderbitch. None of it.

"ShIt VrIsKa ArE yOu JuSt GoNnA tAkE tHaT?"

"OH MY GOG TH1S 1S STUP1D 1'M OUT13."

"Everyone Should Probably Just Calm Down. Vriska, Keep Telling Your Story It Was Really Quite Fascinating And Realistic."

"You suck 8t sarcasm, Miss Skinnyp8nts."

* * *

><p>After a bit more bickering from all of you, though, Vriska was calmed enough to continue her crazy ramblings. You're pretty sure that she's never flown a helicopter, let alone caused one to crash, but you don't want to start another fight. Eventually, she and Gamzee got taken for their sessions, leaving you alone with Kanaya. The waiting room is filled with a kind of awkward silence with them gone. You fidget for a bit, then clear your throat, and fidget more.<p>

"Hey, Kanaya?" you finally ask.

"Yes Karkat?"

"Does it piss you off when Vriska makes fun of.. you know, your-"

"My Weight?" She stares you dead in the eyes as she says this, as if administering a challenge. Jegus, she can be scary.

"Yeah."

"I Don't Know. She Makes Fun Of Everyone So I Don't Really Take It Personally. It's Actually Like An Endearment, Coming From Her."

"It's just... it must be hard. I mean, you can't tell what's going on with some people here, you know? Like you can't tell that Equius is crazy from looking at him, or Tavros. But your problems are like, _right there_," you ramble. Then you freak out because shit she probably took that personally and start rambling more-"Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, jegus I am such a raging _douchecanoe_ just forget I said anything."

"It's Perfectly Fine. It's Not Like I Expect People To Ignore It. It's Easier This Way, I Guess. In Here, Anyways. I Don't Have To Wonder If Anyone Is Whispering Behind My Back And Wondering What My 'Deal' Is."

You glare at her. "Like they do for me."

"I Didn't Mean It Like That." You glare at her more. "Okay Maybe I Did A Little. I Don't Want To Be Meddlesome But People Do All Wonder Why You Refuse To Talk About It." She pauses, then smirks, "Eridan Thinks You're A Fetishist Actually."

"Oh my fucking _gog_ he totally would too."

"Well It's Not Like Anyone Is Going To Judge You. I Mean, We Are All A Bit Crazy Here. Nothing Can Be So Terrible That You Can't Talk About It With Us."


	16. Chapter 16

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>==SEE THE MIRACLES<p>

Motherfucker, that is the easiest prompt you've ever followed. The miracles are motherfucking everywhere in this place. There's Doc Stridenasty-what a bitchtits name that motherfucker's got-who glows so white you've got to squint to look at him, and you don't even blame him anymore for being the one who put you in restraints in that awful time after the heroin and before the methadone; there's Tavbro's bitchtits metal all up in his face and legs and even in his mouth, motherfucker yawned and you caught a glimpse of a tongue stud; there's the magical world of Fiduspawn and roleplaying games and canegirls with crushes on Judge Judy and best of all pills that make all the whisperyelling voices go away and let you float in a pain-free bliss that the finest smack never could. Sometimes you like to just lie in bed and listen to the quiet, because you'd never heard such a thing before, except for maybe that one time that you almost OD'd. It's a motherfucking miracle.

You just got your blood drawn by the Doc, who took one look at your track-mark ravaged arms and legs before sighing and locating a vein you didn't even realize you had with a precise, slightly painful jab. You don't hold it against him, motherfucker's gotta do his job and he's the one responsible for the miracles you're feeling so you won't hold any needle grudges. He's also taking out your stitches today, and warned you that it'd possibly be painful and offered you a shot of local anaesthetic, but you don't want to end up back on that horse so you declined.

You brought Tavros with you to hold your hand while it happens-not really out of any sense of fear, but you don't like being alone so much anymore. Also motherfucker was just sitting all by his lonesome and not talking to anyone. Not that you've ever seen him talking, but you don't like watching him shrink into himself and chew on his lip rings. It brings out a little wave of worry in your sea of chill. He's worrying now, though, like he's the one about to get stitches pulled out of his face.

You chuckle at his concerned expression. "BrO aRe YoU rEaDy FoR tHiS? dOn'T aLl Up AnD pAsS oUt On Me HeRe ShItS aBoUt To GeT rEaL."

He gives you a shaky smile and squeezes your hand. You can read him by now, and you know this is his way of saying he's okay. The little quirk of his eyebrow asks if you're nervous.

"NaH bRo I'vE bEeN tHrOuGh A lOt wOrSe ThAn ThIs BeFoRe," you laugh, and nod towards your exposed arms. The skin is pocked and scarred and the veins are nearly collapsed, and they're peppered with sores and scabs and deep track lines. Tavros'd nearly had a fit when he first saw them, not out of fear or squeamishness like you'd ashamedly thought for a terrifying moment, but out of concern for you-which you'd realized when he looked, horrified, from your arms to your face and back, and then grabbed your hand so hard you thought it might break. It was a good sort of almost-breaking, though.

"Okay Makara, keep your face still. Don't wanna be pulling your nose off by mistake or something," Doc Stridenasty drawls, and Tavros clenches your hand even harder. You rub your thumb against his reassuringly, and let your face fall slack. The Doc starts with the bottommost gash, and all you feel is a faint tugging as the stitches slip out. His pale pale face is a mask of composure, but a relieved smile twitches at his mouth when the full row is removed without incident. He asks if you're okay to go onto the next one, and you hum an affirmative, "DoEsN't HuRt At AlL bRo."

The next row slides out almost as easily as the first. There's a little bit of pain when his forceps tug out the stitches on the bridge of your nose, but it's nothing you can't handle. You almost smile before remembering that you're not supposed to move your face. Tavros's hand relaxes slightly in yours, and you shift your grip so your fingers entwine with his. You stroke his hand more with the pad of your thumb, and he smiles at the floor, suddenly too shy to meet your eyes.

The third row is where the trouble starts. Doc works his way up to the highest point of the gash, which ends right below your right eye, and for the most part, it'scompletely uneventful. But when he tugs the stitch on the delicate skin bordering your eye socket, pain shoots through your face like a bullet and you involuntarily jerk away, hard. You hear Tavros gasp, but distantly, like he's at the other end of a long hallway or something. Doc Stridenasty is paging John the nurse, something about cuts healing wrong and ripped stitches and bandages and restraints and it all fuzzes away into static and there's blood on you too much blood and your face hurts and you're breathing so fast going "Oh ShIt MoThErFuCKERS OH SHIT oh shit OH SHIT what do I DO what's GOING oN..." and it's like part of you burrowed away deep into your head and is hiding and the other part is bouncing against the walls and the floor is all staring up back at you and John runs in and there are hands pinning your arms and a needle jabbing you and then it's almost a day later and you're squinting groggily in the fluorescents of your room and wondering what day of the week it is.

You blink lazily, try not to think about what happened. Your right eye feels stiff, somehow. You touch it, and feel a thick bandage right below your bottom lid. You sigh, and roll onto your side and back to sleep. You can still feel whatever they shot you up with in your system, and it feels awful. You didn't want to shoot up ever again, and they did it to you anyways. Motherfuckers.

* * *

><p>Some time later, Tavros pokes his head into your room. You're too tired to let him know you're awake, so he leaves after lingering for only a minute. About fifteen minutes later, he's back with the same routine. The third time he comes back, Karkat's with him, asking worried questions that get no answers from your silent bro. The fourth time, he actually sits on the edge of your bed and gently strokes your hair. You make a tiny noise of appreciation, and he jumps up and runs off.<p>

Before he can make it back a fifth time, Jade comes in. She gently nudges you fully awake, saying, "Hey, Gamzee. It's time to wake up. You got special permission to be in your room unattended this morning, but it's almost time for lunch and we can't having you missing any more meals."

"SiStEr, I'd Go BuT i'M sO dAmN tIrEd," you mumble.

"You're just a little groggy from the sedative. Dr. Strider didn't want to have to give it to you, but you had quite the panic attack in there. He told me to let you know he's sorry for it, though."

"MmMpHg."

"C'mon Gamzee, you can get up! It's grilled cheese day, too!_Everyone_ loves grilled cheese day."

"OkAy," you sigh. It's easier not to argue with this fierce sister. She seems sweet but motherfucker can be forceful as hell. You sit up, rub your good eye, and reach for your sweatshirt.

"That's the spirit! Do you want me to escort you to the cafeteria? If you're still groggy I don't want you to fall or anythi-Oh, hi Tavros! Great timing, Gamzee just woke up!"

Tavros freezes in the doorway, as if he got caught doing something wrong. Jade beckons him in. He awkwardly shuffles over to where you're sitting on your bed, and she somehow manages to force him into being your escort to the cafeteria-not that he seems to mind. When she leaves, he rolls his eyes in her direction and gives a small smile and shrug. You smile back, but there's still something bothering you.

"Yo TaVbRo? JuSt WaNtEd To SaY sOrRy FoR tHaT sHiT iN tHe InFiRmArY. mUsT nOt HaVe BeEn ToO fUn To WaTcH." It's the understatement of the century-sorry doesn't even begin to cover it-but you don't know how to tell him how sorry you are. You don't know where to look as you say it, so you just kind of examine a loose thread on your hoodie.

You glance up at him through your lashes, face still down and still fiddling with your hoodie. Tavros just stands there for a few century-long seconds, kicking the toe of one sneaker against the other, his prosthetics squeaking a little bit. He nibbles his lip ring nervously, then gives you a head-on look like his resolve is steeled. It's a confidence you haven't seen in him before. He walks over to you, and takes your chin in his hand. He raises your face up to his level, staring you dead in the eyes, no fear on his face. And for the first time, you hear your best bro's voice.

"gAMZEE," he says. His voice is deeper than you thought it would be, stronger, too. "iT'S oKAY."

You let him pull you up to a standing position. And when his arms wrap around you in a hug, you let yourself melt against him. He holds you tightly, protectively, like he's going to fight away all of the bad things and keep you safe forever. You realize that you've been crying, hard, this whole time. He rubs your back in little circles, making calming sounds, and just keeps reassuring you, "iT'S OKAY,, iT'S aLL GONNA BE, oKAY, i PROMISE,,,"

Soon, your sobs slow and turn to sniffles, and you pull back far enough to look him in the face. He smiles at you and kisses your forehead. You go to thank him, but he just shakes his head.

"cOME ON, LET'S GO, aND, uH, gET SOME LUNCH. iT'S GRILLED CHEESE DAY, wHICH IS, uH, oBVIOUSLY THE BEST."

You're congested and groggy and tear-sticky and shaky from crying, but you're smiling when you and Tavros walk to the cafeteria together hand in hand.


	17. Chapter 17

**_SORRY, I MISSED THIS CHAPTER ON THE MEME, SO I AM SNEAKING IT IN!_**

* * *

><p><strong>PLEASE READ FIRST!<strong>

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

* * *

><p>Dr. Lalonde keeps telling you that you need to focus on your own progress, rather than that of others. That you need to focus less on socialization and more on healing.<p>

But obviously you're not going to listen to her, because what does she know?

Ever since you got dragged here after the Betty fiasco, you've been preoccupied by your fellow patients. How can you concentrate on_healing_ when Fef's so pretty, and Kar's so much fun to tease, and there are smokes to be had with Vris and sodas to shake before Gamzee opens them? And obviously, most important of all, there's the whole floor to impress with your awesome intellect and personality and fashion sense. Nobody has yet to be impressed by your excessive name-dropping, but you're holding onto the hope that they're just trying to seem almost as cool as you by not expressing their excitement. God, you hope someone, _anyone,_thinks you're cool.

Right now, you're moping on your bed. Except you're too_deep_ to mope. You're_engulfed in melancholy_. Kar's sitting on his bed and trying to read a shitty romance novel, and you've tried to leave him alone for _five whole minutes_ but you're getting bored, dammit. Plus he's really cool-even if he's always wearing that huge ugly sweatshirt and won't let you make over his wardrobe-and you want to impress him. Because _you're_really cool, too.

"I'm tellin you, Kar, I just wwanna get outta here. The coffee here sucks. It's nothin compared to the stuff at Wwrath and Angels in the city-I mean, you'vve probably nevver heard of it but-"

"Eridan, that's the place where all the fucking insufferable pricks and hipsters go, of course I know about it. I actually fucking live in the city, unlike you. You don't even drink coffee, anyways."

"Howw do you knoww?"

"Every morning you give me yours after trying one sip and gagging like a bitch."

"That's not me that coulda been anybody."

"Whatfuckingever man."

You sit in a slightly awkward silence for a few more minutes. You shift uncomfortably on your bed. Lying in a sufficiently melancholy manner takes work, and your arm is falling asleep. You sit up and fiddle with the edge of your scarf, then flop down again. You glance over at Karkat-he's absorbed in his book again. You scratch at the scabs on your arm, and shift positions again, and look back at Kar. Still not noticing you. You cough a little bit, then louder.

"Oh my fucking gog Eridan what is it."

"Oh, it's _nothin_," you sigh, and look away dramatically.

Rather than responding with the concern you were hoping for, he just sounds exasperated when he tells you to cut the crap and tell him.

"Wwhale, you read all those romance novvels, right?"

"Fucking hell man if you start ripping on my books I swear to gog-"

"No, I wwasn't gonna say anyfin about the books!"

"Okay, fine, what then?"

"You must knoww a lot about _romance_then, right?"

He looks slightly mollified. "Yeah, I guess I do. What, you need advice?"

"It's about Fef."

"Oh hell no man. She is not interested," he snaps.

"Howw do you know?" This is horrifryin. Definitly nothing like you had planned.

"Anyone with half a fucking brain in his head can see she's got the hots for Sollux. Not to mention the fact that you fucking got _in_here for having a trainwreck of a relationship; don't you think you're going a little too fast?"

"Man I am so fuckin ovver Betty you don't evven know," you scoff, but your lip wibbles a bit. He raises an eyebrow at you. You tug the sleeves of your ironically-ugly, fashionably-undersized sweater down over her name, but a bit of the scabby "B" still sticks out. You sigh dramatically. "Anywway, that's gotta be bullshit about Sol, wwhat wwould she see in a scrawwny nerd like him?"

He throws his arms up, as if in defeat. "Fuck, I don't know man! I'm not her! They seem to get along okay, I don't fucking know!" He slumps back on the bed and huffs in annoyance.

"Wwell she and I get along okay, howw do you knoww she doesn't like me?"

"Because you're desperate and clingy."

"Oww, man, that wwas my pride you just wwounded."

"Aghh, sorry. That was a little harsh. I guess... fuck, I can't believe I'm offering this, I guess I'll fucking talk to her, if you're that torn up about it."

"Kar you are brill-iant, I swear to Cod. If you wwant I guess I can salmon the strength to talk to Terezi for you-"

"Oh hell no, you are not doing me any fucking favors, that'll only end in disaster and a heaping, steaming pile of fresh shame for the both of us."

"Ha, wwhatevver."

"And stop fucking with your scabs; it's gross."

* * *

><p>== ERIDAN: BE TOO COOL FOR ACTIVITY PERIOD<p>

Normally, you'd be wway too cool for this bullshit, but today is special, because it's actually warm enough to go outside. Sure, you're all under heavy supervision-John and Jade are hyper-vigilant, and Dr. Lalonde even decided to come out with all of you-but you're outside for what feels like the first time in years.

There's a little playground on the grounds, slightly covered in slush, but the bars on the jungle-gym are hot in your hands from the unseasonably warm day. Everyone but Karkat has decided to forego wearing a jacket, and everyone's spirits seem a little lighter. Even you have a hard time keeping a brooding look on your face, and find yourself laughing at Vriska's jokes more often than you'd usually let yourself. You have to admit, you kind of have a crush on Vriska, too. If Fef totally shoots you down, you're totally gonna try to get her to go out with you. You're sneakily watching Fef from the top of the jungle-gym, Vriska at your side. Fef's tentatively nudgin Sol and whispering and giggling with him, ugh, you probably have no glubbin chance with her after all. At one point, your hopes soar as you see Karkat approach her and try to start a conversation. But she's frowning pretty hard at whatever he has to say, so you stop watching before your heart reel-y and truly breaks. You sigh. Vriska laughs at you.

"Could you 8e any more o8sessed, 8etty8oy?"

"Aww shut yer trap Vvris. I'm not_obsessed_, I just kinda like her. I like a lotta people," you shrug. Her eyes widen, and she grins in the most terrifyin and sinister way you've ever seen.

"Like _whoooooooo_?" she cackles.

"None a your business is wwho!" you huff.

She scoots closer to you, and croons, "Who is it? Who's the lucky 8road Eridan's set his sights on?"

"You're fuckin impossible!"

"You fucking love it!"

"You're just doin this for the halibut don't try an kid me. You just wwanna embarrass me!"

"How could you accuse me of such a thing?" she gasps, mock surprised. "I just wanna know who my 8est 8uddy here in this shithole is wanking to in the showers!"

"Augh Vvris you are disgustin," you say, and turn away from her huffily. Bored, she flips upside down on the bar she was sitting on, hanging by her knees and eliciting a shout from John to stop that before she re-breaks her already-casted arm. She ignores him, and proceeds to have an upside-down conversation with Kan until she gets lightheaded and has to sit up again. You and Gamzee have been tossing wood-chips and slushballs at each other, so you don't notice that she's back on your level before you get a handful of slush down the back of your shirt.

"Aww fuck what the glubbin hell Vvriska!"

"Hahahahahahahaha! Next time you should tell me your secrets, lover8oy!"

It's on now. You are gonna get her back for this. You are so gonna piss in her apple juice.

Oh shit.

...You are in love.

Again.


	18. Chapter 18

_***EDIT* I MISSED A CHAPTER THAT WAS MEANT TO GO IN BEFORE THIS ONE, SO I AM ADDING IT IN! TO SEE THE NEW CHAPTER GO BACK ONE!**_

* * *

><p><strong>PLEASE READ FIRST!<strong>

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written byribsgrowback there.**

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

* * *

><p>== FEFERI: PICK AN OUTFIT<p>

It's visiting day.

You feel so guilty for hating visiting day, but cod, your anxiety levels just spike as soon as your mother enters the room. You're engaging in your standard visiting-day morning ritual of making yourself look as P-ERF-ECT as possible so she won't have as much to criticize as usual.

Everyone else seems to have a similar idea. The girl's bathroom is always busy in the mornings, but on visiting days it's a huge typhoon of makeup-sharing and clothing-swapping and everyone yelling at Vriska for hogging the good shower stall (and by good, you mean the only one with water that gets past lukewarm.)

You're applying a new layer of waterproof mascara in the plastic-shielded mirror, while Kanaya carefully applies lipstick next to you and Nepeta fluffs her curly hair as best as she can without a brush-apparently their bristles are "sharp" enough for them to get confiscated. On top of most brushes being outlawed, you're all bemoaning the fact that you're not allowed razors, and Terezi jokes that the only difference between the patients and the doctors in this place is that the patients have hairy legs. You all laugh. Even Jade chuckles from her post at the door-she's too good-natured to care that the jab was aimed with her included. You like her a lot for that.

You bite your lip as you compare the shirts you've arranged in front of you. You're starting to regret that you didn't bring any of the clothes that your mother had picked out for you; if you had, you'd have something to wear on days like this. You go through a mental checklist of what she might criticize about each one, and eliminate two right off the bat. Nepeta leans over as you hold your swim team t-shirt to yourself in the mirror.

":33 You seem awfurry nervous, Fefurry! Is efurrything okay?"

"Ug)(, I'm just so STR-ESS-ED! My mom is reel-y critical and last time she visited I )(ad to have an emergency session with Dr. Lalonde and it was just_glubbing terrible_."

":33 That's pawful, I'm sorry. You can always meet my pawrents if you want! Maybe you can avoid your mom like that?"

"I wis)(. S)(e never lets up t)(oug)(! S)(e's just so glubbing disappointed in me for being )(ere and being so screwed up. And s)(e likes to rub it in."

":33 But you're not screwed up! You're probably the most normal one in here!" Nepeta laughs. You smile.

"T)(anks Nepeta. Cod, I just know s)(e's gonna say somefin super-critical as soon as s)(e gets )(ere, t)(oug)(. And I'm not so scared of t)(e criticism itself, it's just t)(at I don't know w)(at it's going to _be_."

":33 Aww, I'm sorry about that. Come hide in study hall with me and Equius if you want! He's always going on and on about how he's so nervous about disappointing his parents so half the time he can't even stay around them for too long. But once we're away we always have a good time! We draw pictures! You should join us!"

"I just mig)(t do t)(at if I can get away," you laugh. "T)(anks." She beams at you and bounces out the door, and you marvel at how she doesn't seem to care that all of her clothes are covered in cat hair and she barely wears make up. What you'd give to be able to do that... cod.

Jade taps her watch at all of you, but the bathroom is still mostly full. Kanaya's now applying makeup to a grateful Terezi, who has her large dark glasses off for the first time in over a week. Her empty glass eyes stare out at the ceiling as Kanaya whisks mascara onto her lower lashes, and you feel a pang of pity for her. You can't imagine what it must be like to be an artist who quite literally lost her eyes. Vriska is ruffling her hair in the mirror, trying to disguise the fact that her cheap-looking blue-black dye job is growing out, exposing platinum blonde roots. Kanaya makes some comment about birds nesting in her head, and Vriska counters it by flipping her a very different kind of bird. Aradia smirks from her position next to you, smearing her lip gloss. Normally you'd laugh, but the anxiety is constricting your throat, so you just kind of choke instead as you pass her a square of paper towel to fix it.

"Come on, girls, you've gotta get moving! You all look gorgeous, now go say hi to your visitors already!" Jade calls.

"W3'R3 NOT GORG3OUS 3NOUGH Y3T, J4D3. HOW W1LL W3 F4C3 OUR 4DOR1NG PUBL1C LOOK1NG L1K3 TH1S? 1T'LL B3 A D1SGR4C3!" Terezi calls back, and everyone laughs. Jade grudgingly gives you all five more minutes, but warns you that she's counting this time! You bite your lip and force yourself to decide on a shirt. No dice. Vriska and Kanaya leave-or rather, Vriska drags Kanaya out after she started staring into the mirror and sucking in her non-existant stomach. Terezi finishes brushing her teeth a few sinks down, and saunters out with a quick "M4Y TH3 FORC3 B3 W1TH YOU, PR1NC3SS." Aradia follows her out, flashing a Vulcan salute. "WRONG S3R13S, 4R4D14, BUT YOU G3T PO1NTS FOR 3FFORT."

"Feferi, you okay?" Jade asks. She gets up out of her chair over by the toilet stalls and her reflection joins yours in the mirror.

"I don't know w)(at to wear so my mom won't pick on me," you sigh. "S)(e makes me feel like total carp."

"I'm sorry about that. It's hard to have parents who aren't supportive of the healing process, but it'll be okay! You'll look lovely no matter what you wear! And if she says anything, just ignore her and think about something good that's happened to you this week, okay? It'll help you get through the bad situation." You nod at her, distracted. You pick up a shirt, then put it down again. Your hands are starting to shake a bit.

"Maybe your mom won't come this time! Your dad lives with you, right? Maybe he'll come instead!"

"My fat)(er never visits me." You're ashamed to admit that your lower lip trembles a bit as you say this.

Jade gives you a sympathetic look, and pats your shoulder. You try to give her a smile, but you're so nervous that you don't know how well it comes out, and the tears in your eyes aren't helping, either. You still have no idea what to wear. Finally, you close your eyes and grab wildly, tug on the chosen garment over your undershirt, and try not to think about all of the bad things your mom will inevitably say about it. You brace your shoulders, and get ready to face your eldritch monster of a mother as you shove open the heavy bathroom door.

But waiting on the other side stands your father, in his special-occasions Election Day suit, with the Squiddles-patterned tie you gave him for Father's Day when you were seven. He looks nervous and apologetic as he meets your eyes, and tries to cover it up by flashing his Trust Me, I'm Your Governor smile. But his smile quickly turns genuine as you run forward and give him the biggest hug you possibly can. He hugs you back, and teases you, saying you that you've gotten prettier since he last saw you and he'll have to bat the boys away with a broom soon. He's always said that, ever since you were a little girl.

Visiting day be your new favorite day at Green Sun, you think, as you take your daddy by the hand and introduce him to Aradia and Eridan and Karcrab and Vriska and Sollux. You tell him not to hit Sollux with the broom. He gives you a smile and promises that he won't.

Yeah, visiting day is definitely your new favorite.


	19. Chapter 19

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

* * *

><p>==EQUIUS: WEAR THE SHIRT<p>

Some days, for you, are good days. And some are very bad.

On good days, numbers don't pound through your brain and you can walk through the hallways without counting a single tile. On good days, Nepeta can re-arrange your meticulously-sliced food into pictures and you don't even start to sweat. On good days, you can get two or three whole lines drawn in a single Art Therapy session. On good days, you realize how much you have been missing, how much your rules and rituals consumed you, and you remember, sometimes, what it's like to really _live._

Today, though, is not a good day.

You wake up to Sollux double-flicking the lights, and realize that your long hair is plastered to your face with sweat. Memories of bad dreams flit through your head, stressful dreams-being locked in a room and needing to count a huge amount of some sort of arbitrary object, while more and more pile in and a timer ticks down and you can't do it in time, being cursed and yelled at and made to do bad things, of doing everything _wrong_-and you sigh deeply because you know today will be very bad indeed. You rummage through all of your clothes for your blue shirt-a reassuring color, an _important_ color, it will be your talisman and keep you safe on this bad day-but you realize that you wore it yesterday and you absolutely _cannot_ wear the same shirt two days in a row. You're wringing your hands hard enough to leave them raw, and Sollux looks at you with concern.

"Hey, you all riight Equiiu2?"

"D- It's... a bad day today, and the shirt I wear on bad days is.. dirty," you say. Sollux nods. He gets his bad days, too. For a couple of days last week he was so depressed, he couldn't even get out of bed.

"Anythiing II can do?"

"D- I do not think so. Thank you, though." You don't tell him that his yellow-striped shirt and his blonde hair are making you nervous; yellow is a _bad _color, almost as bad as blue is good, and you can't touch most yellow things, but you don't want to offend him. You relax slightly when he pulls a blue sweatshirt on, though, even though it has horrible red designs on it. You start searching for a suitably calming replacement for your blue shirt, but you can't find one. Today's bad enough that only your comfort shirt would do. Sollux notices you haven't stopped wringing your hands, and that your habit of nervous sweating is starting up again.

"You 2ure man? II thiink II've got a blue 2hiirt here 2omewhere, II know iit'2 liike your lucky color or 2omethiing.." he starts rummaging through his stuff, and tosses you a long-sleeved blue shirt. It has red buttons near the neck, but you can ignore that. You're starting to feel calmer just holding it. But when you go to put it on, you run into a bit of a problem.

"Oh my gog, how diid you even get iit _on_?" Sollux laughs. You look down at yourself. Sollux is tall, nearly as tall as you, but he's also skinny as a rail, and his shirt is ridiculously tiny on your bulky frame. The sleeves barely make it past your elbows, and the hem of the shirt sits just above your navel. The corners of your mouth twitch a bit. Sollux can't stop laughing.

Just then, Nepeta bounds into the room on her way to breakfast. You should have expected this, since she comes in every morning (with a nurse to supervise her in a boy's room, of course), but today she's a bit early. Your nervous sweating starts up as she takes in the sight of you in the tiny shirt. You're trying to find the words to explain-this is _so inappropriate_, how can you look like this in front of a lady; she's probably appalled-when she collapses into hysterical giggles. Sollux chokes out an, "II know, riight?" before dissolving into laughter again. You look at them, and back at yourself, and at them again, and you can't handle it anymore.

You burst out laughing.

* * *

><p>==EQUIUS: TAKE THE SHIRT OFF, YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS<p>

You have failed to obey the command. The tiny shirt is ridiculous, it's far too tight, it makes you look like such a_goshdarned sillyface_, but it is hysterical. And while you are laughing, you aren't feeling stressed, or wringing your hands, or sweating. While you're laughing, the Very Bad Day you were having doesn't feel so bad at all. You and Nepeta and Sollux walk to breakfast together (they have rolled up their shirts to match yours), and you all strike poses and model your ridiculous outfits. The three of you keep stopping to dissolve into laughter, leaning on each other for support and gasping for air as you sashay your hips and purse your lips and inform them that your drag name is Equisha, and Sollux pulls his hair into pigtails and ties his sweatshirt into a makeshift skirt around his waist and pronounces himself Printheth Thelethtia. Before entering the cafeteria, Nepeta links arms with both of you, proclaiming that you are her arm candy and that she is Ne-pimp-ta. Everyone at breakfast laughs at your outfits and antics, but you forget to feel properly embarrassed and depraved.

It takes you until Individual with Doc Stridenasty-he'd complimented your outfit with a smirk that threatened to become full-out laughter-for you to realize that you haven't counted any floor tiles, touched any door frames, or flinched at Karkat's gratuitous curse-words all day. Part of you is horrified. But a bigger part tells yourself to shut up, and wonders when Individual will be over so you can rejoin "Printheth Thelethtia" and "Nepimpta" for a dance party.


	20. Chapter 20

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

* * *

><p>You woke up this morning to the feeling of your heart pounding in your chest.<p>

It's strange, how you don't usually notice your heartbeat. It's just there, a constant steady rhythm so familiar that you forget it. You've learned that when you can feel it beating hard and pounding against your ribs, something is going wrong. You felt it beating the day of your heart attack.

But today you just get out of bed, wake up Vriska, and ignore the strange pounding. You change out of your pajamas and ignore the fact that you need to lean on the dresser to keep your balance. You force Vriska to try to brush her hair, and ignore the fact that you're out of breath from combing your fingers through the tangle. You brush your teeth and ignore the way your hands won't stop shaking.

You felt a little bit better after breakfast, where you found yourself eager to eat your tiny portion of low-fat yogurt. You even allowed yourself a few sips of orange juice instead of your usual water. Your hands have stopped shaking, and you breathe a sigh of relief.

Later, in the bathroom, you're refreshing your lipstick and Vriska is chattering next to you. She managed to sneak her cell phone out of the dayroom, somehow, and is hiding it from the bathroom attendant while she texts some of her "real-world" friends. Nothing seems to be amiss until she turns and gives you a sly look from the corner of her eye.

"So, Prissyp8nts, do you st8rve or spew?"

Your lipstick smears down your chin. You turn to look at her, mouth agape. Vriska is your best friend here, (and maybe a little bit more, but you refuse to acknowledge such feelings) but sometimes she comes out with something so blunt you don't even know how to respond. So you're staring at her blankly, completely at a loss for words, until she shrugs and brushes it off with a simple, "Just wondering, jeeeeeeeez."

Eventually she changes the subject, and you chat and swap makeup more or less happily until your next appointments. She holds the door for you as you're leaving-she always does that, and it leaves a little flutter in your chest that no heart medication will fix-when you realize that even though she is your best friend, you know so very little you know about her. And she knows so very little about you. And that little flutter is making you wonder stupid things, like if her hands are soft and if you'll ever know her secrets, and that little flutter makes you decide to give her a piece of your past.

"Throwing Up Rots Your Teeth And Burns Your Throat," you say, and she looks confused for a moment. "Anyway, You Are The One Who Helps Me Hide My Dinner. I Thought You'd Have Known The Answer By Now."

The confusion on her face clears, and she gives you a wicked grin. "8elieve it or not, 8ut I never crashed a helicopter."

They're small confessions. But they're better than nothing.

"This Comes To Me As A Complete Shock."

"Sincere as alw8ys, Miss Priss. Shall we?" She holds out her casted arm like an old-fashioned gentleman, and you curtsy and take it.

"We Shall."

You shouldn't feel this fluttering of hope in your chest, just like you shouldn't feel the pounding of your heart. But you ignore it, and let Vriska escort you to Dr. Lalonde's office.


	21. Chapter 21

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS LATER. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p>==SOLLUX: STUDY<p>

Study hall is the most boring thing in the world, you've decided. You all get your schoolwork shipped over to Green Sun and are locked in here for an hour or two every day so you don't flunk out of whatever school you're in. Doesn't help TZ or EQ out much, since Terezi gets triggered by any of her art-school work and Equius's mechanical engineering workload is too huge for him to be able to make the tiniest dent in, but the rest of you get by all right... even though you all do your best to never get any work done.

You're pretending to be filling out a CISCO worksheet, but you're really passing notes with Feferi, trying to convince AA to give you back your iPod because she's been watching Indiana Jones on it for like _two whole days already,_ and throwing things at Eridan whenever he (and John, who's supervising today) is not looking.

Eridan's been driving you insane lately. KK face-palmingly told you about his crush on FF, which you honestly don't blame him for because shit she is _2o pretty_, but the douchebag's been using it as an excuse to treat _you_ like shit. You're not about to rat him out to the shrinks, but you're not ready to let him walk all over you, either, so you've been giving each other merry hell for about a week now. (You still have to get him back for almost getting you to drink something that was definitely _not_ apple juice. Thankfully you sniffed it first.)

A particularly well-aimed pen cap hits him squarely in the back of the head, and he turns to glare at you. FF gives you a reproachful look, but can't quite keep the corners of her mouth from twitching at his ridiculous expression. You turn back to your worksheet and write out an answer, and then curse quietly when it smears. Pencils and ballpoint pens are considered too sharp for patients, so everyone has to write in 2tupid felt-tip pen2. KK nudges you, and slips you a note that Feferi's sent over. It says, "Be NIC-E, Seallux!" in pink highlighter, with a little interjection from Karkat ("FUCK THAT; DOUCHEBAG DESERVES IT LATELY") underneath. You sigh and roll your eyes.

TZ is sitting at the desk behind yours, and leans over to whisper, "WH4T'S GO1NG ON NOW?"

"ED'2 ju2t beiing a douche agaiin," you grumble.

"4ND YOU'R3 B31NG 4 DOUCH3 R1GHT B4CK, H33H3H3H33H33."

"II'm hurt TZ, you've really wounded me here."

"1'M JUST UPHOLD1NG JUST1C3 BY ST4Y1NG 1MP4RT1AL...!"

"Hey guys, stop talking!" John says. Dammit.

"SOLLUX 1S H3LP1NG M3... W1TH MY WORK?"

"Terezi, you don't have any work today! You're studying your Braille book!"

"SOLLUX KNOWS BR41LL3?"

"No II don't!"

"YOU'R3 NOT H3LP1NG _THOLLUX_."

"Haha, get back to studying guys, you can talk later."

TZ huffs and goes back to her book, and you start doodling a picture of a bee for Feferi. KK turns around in his seat and starts graffiti-ing it, drawing a tiny caricature of you following a cartoon FF saying "I'M A LITHPY DOUTHEBAG WITH A THTUPID CRUTH ON YOU". You punch him in the arm on principle, but KK's so bad at art that you have to laugh. You scribble a _iit ii2 pretty 2tupiid, ii2n't iit?_ and he flips the paper to read it.

_YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT. ANYONE CAN SEE SHE'S HEAD-OVER-FUCKING-HEELS FOR YOU,_ you read. His handwriting is terrible.

_But 2he'2 2o awe2ome and II'm 2o... not._ He lets out a quick barking laugh when he reads that.

_SURE YOU'RE A CRAZY FUCKASS BUT I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT SOME REDEEMING FEATURES SOMEWHERE._ You smirk. He adds, even more messily because he's trying to write upside-down, _YOU'VE GOT.. GLASSES. IT MAKES YOU LOOK NERDY._ You raise an eyebrow at him. _GIRLS LIKE NERDS?_

_Thanks for that KK, my 2elf-confiidence ii2 at an all-tiime hiigh._ He rolls his eyes and whispers, "You know what I mean!" You shrug. He grabs the paper again.

_TRUST ME, SHE LIKES YOU. AND SHE'D BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. ESPECIALLY IF IT'S BETWEEN YOU AND ERIDAN I MEAN SERIOUSLY YOU MIGHT HATE YOURSELF BUT GIVE YOURSELF A LITTLE CREDIT-ANYONE'S BETTER THAN THAT._

You smirk. Maybe he's got a point.

_ANYWAYS, YOU DIDN'T SEE BUT SHE WAS TOTALLY FREAKING OUT A FEW DAYS AGO WHEN YOU WERE TOO USELESS TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED. SHE KEPT TRYING TO SNEAK OUT OF GROUP AND STUFF TO VISIT YOU._ You look at him in shock. He just gives you a little smile and shrug, and turns back to his homework. You glance over at FF, and she beams at you and waves. You smile back. Maybe there's some hope for you after all.


	22. Chapter 22

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p>You hate how everything is dark when you're blind. You hate the weird sensation of fake eyeballs sitting in your empty sockets. You hate bumping into walls. You miss the color red.<p>

You tell this to Doc Stridenasty when he chides you for pressing on your eyes over and over to see the funny bursts of not-color. He tells you that you're gonna do some serious damage. You tell him that you don't care.

"The problem is, chica, that you're dwelling on this so much. You've had a mourning period, though, and the fact that you're still allowing yourself to fall into depression about this isn't healthy. It's normal to be upset, but it's not normal for it to interfere with your daily life. It's hard, I know it's hard. But you need to start allowing yourself to heal. You can do it. I should know—believe it or not, but your supremely chill doc right here was legally blind at one point."

"R34LLY?"

"I've got acute albinism, weak eyesight is pretty much a given. All red eyes and adorable twitchy nose, just waiting to be pulled out of a magicians silky top hat. In my dream, I am the white rabbit. It's me."

"BUT YOU C4N S33 NOW!"

"Until I got surgery, I could barely see at all. But hell, I still can have conksuck vision—it's a lot better than when I was younger, better than I ever thought it could be, but either way I know what it's like. It sucks. Half my life I was this squinty little coolkid, all bumping into things 'cause I was too cool for prescription shades."

"TH4T DO3SN'T SOUND V3RY COOL," you laugh.

"Between you and me, TZ, it wasn't cool at all. Don't go telling anyone that, if word gets out I'll be ruined and we can't have that, can we."

"BUT YOU W3R3 4BL3 TO G3T B3TT3R. 1 C4N'T DO TH4T. 1 DON'T 3V3N H4V3 _3Y3S_ 4NYMOR3!"

"That's the thing: for most of my life, I thought I'd never get better. And for a while, I dwelled on it. I was miserable because I couldn't see anything and everything I _could_ see was too bright so I had to dull it out with shades. But eventually, I started to work around it, and let myself get stronger in other ways. I started appreciating things I could hear and touch and smell and taste. Before I became Doc Stridenasty, master of shrinks everywhere, I was a music major, y'know. I was a fuc—freaking master at the turntables, and why? Cause I threw myself into feeling and hearing what I was doing instead of seeing it."

"BUT 1'M NOT GOOD 4T 4NYTH1NG 3LS3."

"You haven't _tried_ anything else, coolkid."

* * *

><p><strong>TEREZI: TRY SOMETHING ELSE <strong>

You cannot follow this command because there is nothing else for you to try. That's really all there is to say on the matter.

* * *

><p><strong>TEREZI: TRY SOMETHING ELSE <strong>

You _can't._

* * *

><p><strong>TEREZI: GO TO DINNER <strong>

You don't know if you appreciate the overcooked-vegetable smell of the cafeteria means you barely have to use your cane to find it, or if you just find it kind of disgusting. John tells you what's being served when you walk in, which is nice of him. It's less nice when Vriska pops in and starts giving you a graphic description of all of the food. You're pretty sure that hamburger patties shouldn't be floating in brown water, that green beans should not be similarly brown, and that hospital peanut butter should not look and smell like burnt plastic, but you're also pretty sure that even Vriska wouldn't make up something that unholy.

You plop down next to Karkles and Eridan, after making sure to muss up Karkat's hair in a pantomime of feeling around for your seat. He makes the funniest offended noises. Eridan's sulking because he finally got up the nerve to ask Feferi out, but she turned him down for being such an ass to Sollux. (He seems to actually feel bad for being such a dick, so you decide to stop giving him the silent treatment.) After a heated debate over whether or not there is, in fact, any tomato in the hospital-grade ketchup (you and Eridan think that there might be, but Karkat is convinced that no ketchup should be "borderline fucking purple"), you decide to bring up what the Doc keeps telling you.

"STR1D3N4STY K33PS T3LL1NG M3 TO G3T 4 HOBBY," you sigh.

"Stridenasty's bein a tool again is wwhat you're sayin then."

"H33H3H3H33 Y34H, B4S1C4LLY. H3 T3LLS YOU TH3 S4M3 TH1NG?"

"Nah, I got Lalonde. Still, stupid fuckin advice if you ask me. Like wwe can evven have hobbies in this place."

"Y34H. NOT L1K3 1 C4N 3V3N DO 4NYTH1NG GOOD ANYMOR3 THOUGH."

"Terezi, you're such a fucking idiot, you can do a ton of stuff!" Karkat says. You pantomime rolling your eyes at him and he laughs. "No seriously, stop being such a dumbass. You do a ton of shit here all the time!"

"L1K3 WH4T, K4RKL3S?"

"I don't know! You give everyone cane drubbings. That's gotta be a hobby"—Eridan tries to suppress a snort at that and fails miserably—"And you watch ungodly amounts of Judge Judy, and you drub _me_ in particular, and—"

You gasp. An idea just hit you like a truck and you are suing for whiplash. "K4RKL3S, 1 COULD K1SS YOU."

"Wait, what?"

"Wwhat?"

"C4LM TH3 FUCK DOWN YOU P3RV3RTS, 1T'S 4 F1GUR3 OF SP33CH! 1 N3V3R THOUGHT OF TH4T B3FOR3 THOUGH, OH MY GOG!"

"Of what? Drubbing me? Because for someone who's only fucking source of amusement seems to come from bashing my head until it turns inside out you sure seem to think about it a lot—"

"NOT DRUBB1NG, YOU DUMMY! JUDG3 JUDY!"

"…Judge Judy," they say. You bet their faces are hilarious right now, because their voices are dripping with incomprehension.

"L4W. 1T SOLV3S 3V3RYTH1NG! _3V3RYTH1NG!_ MY SCHOOL K33PS T3LL1NG M3 TH4T 1 N33D TO HURRY UP 4ND CHOOS3 4 N3W M4JOR 4ND DOC STR1D3N4STY K33PS T3LL1NG M3 TO G3T 4 HOBBY 4ND 1T'S _P3RF3CT!_" You're beaming. Absolutely beaming. You know exactly 41.3% of Judge Judy's entire television career by heart. Armed with that kind of knowledge, you're practically a paralegal already!

"Wwait, you think you knoww howw to be a lawwyer from wwatchin _Judge Judy?_"

"Are you fucking serious right now, tell me you're not fucking serious right now."

"1 W1LL B3COM3 _JUST1C3 1NC4RN4T3._"

"Has anyone evver told you that you're glubbin insane?" Eridan says, thunderstruck. You drub him with your cane and consider re-instating the silent treatment. Karkat is just making some incoherent noises, which get slightly more incoherent as you pull him into a bone-crushing hug.

"K4RKL3S YOU 4R3 TH3 4BSOLUT3 B3ST, S3R1OUSLY! 1 PROM1S3 1 WON'T FORG3T YOU WH3N 1 G3T MY OWN DAYTIM3 T3L3V1S1ON C4R33R!" you cackle. He gasps for air and tries to get free, but you are too busy being excited. And giving him a noogie. And snuggling him, gog he is so_tiny_.

"Aww man, he's blushin!" Eridan laughs.


	23. Chapter 23

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong>*PLEASE NOTE: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF-HARM*<strong>

So many days for you are dangerous.

Laundry day is dangerous—you wait until everyone else has used the washers, then quickly rip off your sweatshirt, throw on your only other long-sleeved shirt (which is getting dangerously small), and shove the sweatshirt into the washer. Then you stand there and tap your foot and fidget until it's finished washing and drying and you can throw it on again and abscond.

Showering is really dangerous. The boy's bathroom has a row of individual shower stalls, but a lot of the locks are broken and there's no real way of knowing who's in which stall. You can check under the door, but nobody really does that. Mostly they just listen for the sound of water and barge in if they don't hear it (or think that they don't hear it.) You've had more than a few close calls that way, including the time that your sweatshirt fell off of the hook on the door and you had to figure out how to get it without anyone seeing. Finally you had to have Tavros throw it over the door for you.

And today is also dangerous.

It started out pretty normally, and by normally you mean you hauled your ass out of bed after another insomniac night, grumbled at Eridan when he wouldn't shut up, were pacified when he gave you his morning coffee, got drubbed by Terezi, and then got bothered by John as you went to leave the cafeteria. And then the danger started.

"Karkat! Are you excited? We get to go outside again today for Activity Period!"

Fuck.

"It's really warm out today! Finally, spring's sprung, haha!"

"Whatever, John."

"Aww, don't be such a downer! A little sun'll do you good!"

"Sure it will, I'm so fucking excited, can you see how fucking excited I am by this John?"

"Watch that language!"

You slump out, wallowing in self-pity. You hate going outside, where everyone stares at you because you won't peel off your many layers and bask in the sun. You hate that they all talk about you and wonder why you're here and make guesses that sometimes come far too close to the truth. You're furious and ready to flip the fuck out when you pass Dr. Lalonde in the hallway. You scowl at her as menacingly as possible, to which she—infuriatingly—doesn't react, rather, she starts talking to you cheerfully and telling you that you've been showing real improvement in your sessions and that she's terribly proud of you, blah blah fucking BLAH. You just grumble at her, and her ever-present smirk softens for a moment.

"Now, Karkat, there's no need to withdraw. If something's on your mind, we can always talk about it. You know that we can always schedule emergency sessions if necessary. My office is always open."

You shrug. Maybe you should talk to her. You'll probably end up sniveling like a bitch as usual, and making a fool of yourself, but you'll probably also feel better.

"No. Thanks. But… no. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm _fine_."

"Karkat, you always tell me that you're fine. But… if I were you, I imagine I'd feel very tired." You stare at her. "It must take so much energy to keep so many thoughts cooped up inside, and to say that you're always fine when you're really not fine at all." You forget to curse or grumble or glare, and just look at her with your eyes wide.

"I know that you sometimes feel like no one will listen, and no one can reach you. But if you let people in, you'd be surprised at how much they care." Her expression is soft, with no trace of her usual clinical coldness or thousand-yard shrink stare. You feel like she's telling you a secret instead of giving you advice, and can't bring yourself to scowl at her. You can't even bring yourself to answer. Eventually, she pats your shoulder reassuringly and walks off, and only then can you rip your gaze away from the floor and get moving again.

You shuffle on down the hall, and after a moment or two start blaming your past self for being such an idiot for not taking Lalonde up on that emergency session offer. (She says that it can be unhealthy for you to think of your past self as another entity that can take the blame for your previous actions, but you know that past you is just a bastard who won't quit and shouldn't get off so easy.)

For a moment, you realize how tired you really are. Maybe Dr. Lalonde was right. But you shake yourself, and swallow the words bubbling up in your throat, and remind yourself that you don't get tired. And you certainly don't tell anyone your secrets.

But when Terezi sits next to you in Group, you feel like blurting everything out to her. She already makes your heart do stupid things, with her freaky glass eyes and her tangled hair and demon grin that makes your stomach do flip-flops out of what can only be love. And now you're about to do something even stupider than your stupid heartbeat and stupid blush. You reach out to tap her shoulder, the words are on the tip of your tongue, but then Dr. Lalonde calls you all to attention and the moment is lost. You swallow your words and bite the stupidly tiny bones of your wrist through your sleeve and wish your teeth were sharp enough to puncture.

Later, in Art Therapy, Gamzee asks if you want to help him with his painting and you dip your fingers into cool slick paint and suddenly have the urge to hike up your sleeves and show your mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeSt FrIeNd everything. But you don't, and instead you bite down on your tongue until you taste blood and your whole body sags in an exhausted mockery of relief. He gives you that dazed smile of his and pats your face with paint-covered hands and tells you it's all good, no need to up and get all stressed out over a little painting, and you don't correct him. You don't respond at all, just sit there and swipe red lines across the huge sheet of construction paper until the bell rings and you have to go wash up.

By the time you stumble into Dr. Lalonde's office for Individual, the words that have gone unsaid have been choking you for too long and you can't speak at all. You try, though. But all you manage to say, when she asks you how you're doing today, is, "It's _hard._ It's hard and _nobody understands._"

And you sit in the leather chair farthest away from her desk and you just cry.

She passes you tissues and pats your back and lets you break down and for once doesn't make you talk about things that don't matter. She asks you if it's okay for her to page John so he can bring you some water, and you sniffle and nod, all of the fight in you mysteriously vanished. When John gets to her office with a cup of water and a sympathetic smile, you even hug him. It's technically against the rules to hug someone without asking first, but neither of them seem to mind. You've never initiated any form of contact before.

Eventually your sobs dwindle down to sniffles and your eyes are puffy and red but mostly dry. There's a small mountain of tissues by your side, your sweatshirt sleeves are covered in tears, and you're shaky and weak from crying, but you don't feel shitty or like a pussy or _anything_. Dr. Lalonde smiles at you and asks how you're doing. Your voice is hoarse and tear-stained, but you manage to honestly say, "I'm feeling… a lot better." She tells you that that's really, really good. Your time with her has long since been up, but she's not making you leave yet. You sniffle, and John passes you a tissue. You almost smile at him. And you decide that Dr. Lalonde was right—you are so very tired. So tired of hiding and covering up and keeping everything to yourself. So you swallow your shame and you peel back your sleeves, gently and reverently, and you show them your story.

(Maybe someday you'll be able to show your friends here, too.)


	24. Chapter 24

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong>TAVROS: EVALUATE SUCCESS <strong>

Things have been looking up for you. You've started talking to more people than just Doc Stridenasty, Aradia, and Gamzee—albeit in small doses, and still not in Group. Vriska's mere presence is still enough to make you clam up, but you're still improving. You don't start hyperventilating when she looks at you anymore, after all. Yesterday you even passed a note to her from Eridan during Study Hall and your hand didn't shake at all!

Today during Group, you remind yourself of the goals you set with Doc Stridenasty. Today is the day that you've designated as the day you will Try To Talk. You're filled with a mixture of nervousness and excitement at this, and you keep going over your personal instructions for success. You start by waiting for Gamzee to get out of his drug test, and talking to him in the hall where anyone could hear you. It's not too difficult. You like Gamzee a lot, and he assures you that he likes you too. The staff here doesn't technically condone relationships between patients, but the two of you are quiet about it and have never done anything more than hold hands or hug (except for that one time that you kissed his forehead—the memory still sends happy chills down your spine) so they tend to look the other way. You're glad. He's the one person who you always feel comfortable around, and whenever you see him your insides feel like they're smiling. (Especially since he asked you if you wanted to all up and go on a real date once you finally get out of here.)

You manage to keep your voice level as you tell him about the Fiduspawn game you had with Aradia earlier. "„„uM, aND THEN, uH, sHE PLAYED A REALLY GOOD, uH, cARD, aND i ENDED UP, uM, lOSING, bUT IT WAS, oKAY, bECAUSE THE GAME WAS FUN, aND THE SPIRIT OF fIDUSPAWN IS, uM, hAVING FUN, sO i THINK, iT WAS A, uHH, sUCCESSFUL SESSION, aLL IN ALL,"

"DaMn BrO tHaT sOuNdS wIcKeD fUn, I'd Be AlL uP iN tHaT sHiT iF i CoUlD kEeP mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg CoNcEnTrAtIoN oN."

You laugh. "uH, mAYBE, yOU COULD, pERHAPS, uM, mAYBE, jOIN US FOR A ROUND, sOMETIME, uHH, aS A SPECTATOR?"

"MoThErFuCkEr I nEvEr EvEn ThOuGhT oF tHaT bEfOrE! bItChTiTs IdEa—I cAn GeT mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg ChEeRlEaDeR oN fOr My GoOd BrO aNd SpOoKy ChIcA tOo, hEhEh." You chuckle at the idea of Gamzee in a cheerleader's outfit, doing high-kicks and shaking pom-poms between moves and making card-based chants. He starts laughing too, and soon you're slumped against the wall in a pile of giggles. He wipes away a tear (and half of his makeup) and says, "BrO i'M gOnNa Be HoNeSt I hAvE nO iDeA wHaT wAs sO fUnNy." It just sets you both off laughing even harder than before.

Eventually, you get moving again, and meet up with Nepeta on your way to Group. You shakily tell her about Gamzee being a Fiduspawn cheerleader and she dissolves into a fit of laughter as well.

By the time you settle down onto a couch, you're feeling relaxed enough that talking in front of everyone seems like a pretty feasible accomplishment. Maybe you'll be able to reach your two-sentences goal. You try to keep talking to Gamzee, even though you need to whisper and reassure yourself that nobody can hear you or is looking at you, and you congratulate yourself when the only reason you clam up is because Vriska sits down next to you. She seems to be in a good mood, though, and smells like an illicit smoke break, so you decide to tell yourself that she won't torment you if you open your mouth. Not today, at least.

You've already told Gamzee about your goal for today, so he's been holding your hand tight to reassure you. You beam at him, even through your Vriska-induced nervousness. He whispers that he won't let her get all motherfucking salty with you today and you smile even harder.

Dr. Lalonde calls you all to attention, to a few groans, a cane-rapping from Terezi (and a shout of "W3 W1LL H4V3 ORD3R 1N TH1S TH3R4PY S3SS1ON!"), and a dismissive scoff from Vriska. You pay close attention to the conversation and wait for the perfect combination of a lull where you won't have to raise your voice to be heard and a topic that you'll actually be able to contribute to. When the conversation angles towards the most recent visiting day, you see your entrance.

Dr. Lalonde has been informed that today is the day you're planning on speaking (so she won't call unnecessary attention to you when you raise your hand—the last thing you need is someone remarking about how it's about time or such a surprise that you want to speak), Gamzee is covertly holding your hand, Vriska seems calm, and you feel ready.

"…That's wonderful, Feferi. I'm glad that you and your father had a positive experience. Does anyone else want to contribute about their visiting day experience?"

You tentatively raise your hand, along with Equius and Aradia. Thankfully, Dr. Lalonde sees you before you chicken out, and calls on you first.

"Tavros?"

"i„„ hAD a, uH, gOOD, uM, vISITING DAY, mY PARENTS CAME, aND IT, uHHHH„„ wAS, nICE TO, uM, sEE THEM„„"

"That's wonderful, Tavros. Thank you for sharing that with us." Her smile is genuinely warm. She's proud of you. "Would you like to add anything else?"

You would, you'd like to tell them about your whole day and how happy you were to see them and how they brought you extra binders of cards so you and Aradia could have better Fiduspawn games and how they didn't seem shocked at all when they met Gamzee and even asked him over for dinner when you get out of here, but you can't speak anymore. The whole room is looking at you and it's just too much. You shake your head, a little regretfully, but still chalk it up as a small victory. You hazard a glance at the rest of your group, and see a few people flash you a thumbs-up. You breathe a sigh of relief and let yourself sink back into the couch. You didn't realize how tense you were. But they didn't judge you! Nobody laughed—not even Vriska!

After Group ends, Vriska comes up to you. Gamzee looks at her warily, and you tense up, but her smile isn't terribly malicious.

"Taaaaaaaavros! I can't 8elieve you talked tod8y! Maybe you're not as pathetic as I thought!" she cackles. You give her a small smile. Coming from her, it's high praise. She punches you on the arm, a little to hard to be 100% friendly, fist-bumps Gamzee, and swaggers off, probably to sneak another cigarette. You let out a sigh of relief. You did it. You survived. Gamzee gives you a lazy grin and a peck on the cheek (you blush so hard that your piercings could melt) and tells you he's gonna go find his good bro Karkat and he'll see you later.

"oKAY„, sEE YOU AT dINNER THEN?"

"SuRe ThInG bRo, PrObAbLy EvEn BeFoRe ThAt."

"aLL RIGHT, sOUNDS, uH, aWESOME!"

"By ThE wAy, I'm MoThErFuCkInG pRoUd Of YoU mAn. GrEaT jOb ToDaY," he grins, and shuffles off. You allow yourself a giddy smile before heading off towards the dayroom. You may or may not have done a little dance on the way. You might have even seen Vriska and Eridan on the way, and you might have even waved at them instead of ducking for cover.

Today's been a huge success, you decide. You can't wait to tell Doc Stridenasty.


	25. Chapter 25

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>*Trigger Warning for Eating Disorders.*<strong>_

**VRISKA: WAKE UP**

Normally, Kanaya wakes you up in time for breakfast. Otherwise, you're sure you'd sleep through it every time.

Today, you did.

* * *

><p><strong>BE KANAYA A FEW DAYS PREVIOUSLY<strong>

Everywhere you look, people are getting better. The therapists are congratulating people on their accomplishments. New privileges await those who've shown significant improvement and gained the trust of the staff and had good behavior. There's sometimes talk of "graduation" as if it's something more than just a hallucination from a particularly fun medication. Yesterday, Tavros spoke to you without saying "uMM," once. Aradia is socializing of her own free will. Feferi hasn't had a panic attack in weeks. Equius cursed the other day, leading to applause from the serial foul-mouthed patients and reluctant smiles from the staff.

And you are still hiding your food.

* * *

><p><strong>VRISKA: WORRY<strong>

You don't worry. You don't give a shit about anyone or anything. You only asked John where Kanaya is because you're pissed that she made you miss breakfast, is all. Your voice shook because you were hungry, why else would it do that? You didn't punch Karkat when he asked where your girlfriend was for any reason other than annoyance. You certainly didn't hover in front of the nurse's station for half an hour, and if you happened to be seen doing just that, it was because you wanted… to use the pay phone?

You're certainly not worried. Not worried at all.

* * *

><p><strong>BE KANAYA<strong>

You wake up with your heart pounding again. Hard and slow. When you stand up, you're dizzy. You stagger over to Vriska's bed like a drunk, and go to shake her awake but end up falling instead—onto her. She wakes up in a confused flail of limbs and curses and cast-whackings and amicably cusses you out for scaring her. Except she quickly asserts that she wasn't _actually_scared, she was just fucking with you. You give a shaky laugh and apologize, and tell her to go onto breakfast without you, you need to freshen up first. She gives you a wary look, but complies. Your mouth is dry and your head aches. You decide that you must be dehydrated, and resolve to drink extra fluids this morning. You briefly worry about water weight, but the dry aches of your body tell you that water weight is the lesser of two evils. You eventually manage to stumble down the hall to breakfast, not fall on anyone while getting to your seat, and punish yourself by only eating a half-portion of yogurt and drinking water instead of juice. Jade looks concerned when you sway on the spot while in line to return your silverware. You force yourself to walk in a steady, straight line out of the cafeteria just to spite her. Your stomach burns. You ignore it.

You stop in the bathroom to freshen your makeup. You pinch the skin of your stomach and frown. You glare at your reflection and resolve to hide your daily supplements for a while; they're making you fat. When you receive your medication in a little paper cup, you obediently put them in your mouth, but you hide the zinc and omega-3 pills under your tongue to spit out later. You've been doing this twice a week, lately, so as not to throw off your urine test results too much, but decide to increase it to three times. You've been putting on weight.

* * *

><p><strong>VRISKA: FREAK OUT <strong>

No, you will _not_freak out. There is no reason for you to freak out, none at all. You haven't seen Kanaya all day, but it's no big deal. You've hardly noticed. You certainly haven't interrogated all of the staff, nor have you spent all of Activity period curled up on the couch while biting your nails until they bleed. You don't do things like that. You're independent, and don't need anything from anyone. You're not worried about Kanaya at all.

"Vvris, are you okay?"

"Ye8h, I'm 8rilliant, pe8chy keen, fucking faaaaaaaabulous, why do you 8sk?"

"You're shakin."

"Fuck you! No I'm n8t I'm _perfectly f8ne_!"

"Vvris, you're wworryin me here, you sure you're oka—"

"Fuck off Erid8n!" You have bigger concerns than his fucking stupid kicked puppy look. No, scratch that, you don't—you don't have any concerns. Concerns are for weak little babies who poop in their diapers and you are _not _weak!

* * *

><p><strong>BE KANAYA <strong>

You've regained some steadiness as the day's gone by. By mid-afternoon, you barely sway at all and only need to stop to catch your breath once as you walk down the hall. You even manage to push open the door to the dayroom without your heart rate increasing alarmingly. Karkat waves to you from a couch, and you sit down next to him and listen to his rave reviews of his latest romantic novel. You might actually read this one—it has vampires in it, and you love some good trashy vampire fiction.

"That Actually Sounds Like Something I Would Read. Can I Borrow It Sometime?"

His face lights up. "Wait seriously? Fuck, Kanaya, why didn't you tell me you could appreciate fine literature? I have so many fucking books—" You start laughing, and he glares at you. You put your hands up in a "don't shoot!" pose.

"I'm Not Laughing At Your Literature Choices Karkat Just At How Excited You Get About Them." This pacifies him, and you start discussing the pros and cons of aphrodisiacs in vampire venom and whether or not it's a cheap device that gets in the way of _true love._On the next couch, Vriska waves at you. Some butterflies awaken in your stomach and you blush and wave back, but she's already talking to Eridan again. When Sollux drags Karkat away to play ping-pong a few minutes later, Eridan decides to approach you. Vriska gives him a funny look, but flounces off to torment Tavros for a while.

"Hey Kan. Wwhat's up?"

"Nothing As Usual Eridan We Can't Really Get Up To Much In Here," you chuckle. "And Yourself?"

"Wwhale, if you'd be open to helpin a guy out, I need some advvice."

"Adwice," you smirk.

"Shut up."

"I Would Be Happy To Help. What Seems To Be The Problem?"

"Wwell, you can probably see that Vvris an I kinda havve a thing goin on…" Your heart suddenly plummets.

"You Do." Oh gog please say no _please_say no.

"Yeah, wwe do! I think wwe do anywway. Maybe. Anyhoww, I wwas wwonderin since you twwo get along reel wwhelk, if you could maybe help me get wwith her?" Shit.

"That Was Elegantly Phrased." Maybe you can just dance around the subject until he forgets.

"Wwhatevver. Wwill you help?" No, no of _course_ you won't help, you can barely bear to watch Eridan ineptly flirt with her how could you survive seeing them together and know that you _helped it happen_?

"…Of Course I Will."

"Kan, you are the best, seriously the _best_howw can I evver repay you?" You sigh, and try to give him a smile. (You're not sure if it worked.) You spend the rest of Activity Period helping him figure out the best way to woo her and decide that the universe is punishing you for that extra water you drank this morning. You resolve to skip lunch and dinner tonight.

You flee to the bathroom after the bell rings and stare into the mirror and hate yourself because you are fat and ugly and Vriska will _never_like you and never even know how much you care for her and wouldn't care anyways because you are repulsive and corpulent and disgusting and your mascara is running all over your face. You will refuse to eat anything for the rest of the week because how else will you stop being so awful?

"Kanaya, are y0u 0kay?" It's Aradia. When did she come in?

"I'm Fine, Aradia. Perfectly Fine. I Just Got Something In My Eye." You paste your smile on, wipe off your ruined makeup, and run down the hallway to your room until your lungs feel like they will tear to pieces from how out of breath you are. (It only takes two minutes. You need to figure out how to do some cardio in this place. You are so out of shape, you think, and you shoo away the mental Dr. Lalonde who tells you it's from muscular atrophy.) You collapse on your bed and your muscles burn and your stomach aches and your heart is pounding so hard. You're light-headed. You briefly entertain the thought that you can't go on like this. But that's ridiculous. You're fine. When it's time for lunch you get Vriska to help you hide your food even though it hurts to look at her and you feel horrible and disgusting and terrible but you have to continue because if you stop you will crash and burn.

A few days and many hidden meals and hidden pills later, you do.

* * *

><p><strong>VRISKA: PANIC <strong>

It's time for the night's Group session, and still no Kanaya. Your nails are a ragged mess. You've been finger-combing your hair obsessively, as if finally fixing it like she told you to will give you answers. Eridan sees your haggard face and tries to comfort you, but you shake him off when he slips an arm around your shoulders. You don't want anyone to touch you. He looks hurt and walks off and you want to call him back and make him hug you again, but as soon as he turns to look back at you the idea repulses you and you sneer at him.

You don't care. Let Kanaya stay missing, you don't care at all. You've interrogated the nurses, but they either don't know anything or won't disclose it. You're too scared to ask the doctors. You don't want to know the worst. You don't care. You don't care. You don't need anyone, needing people is for _weaklings_ like Tavros. Weak little _babies_. You're not weak, you're _strong_. You start screaming at Dr. Lalonde during Individual and John has to forcibly restrain you because you are _strong_ and full of fight. They give you a sedative and you try to keep fighting but your eyes just can't stay open. As you drift off, alone in your room and tearstained and empty-feeling, you let the remnants of dry sobs shake your body and you realize that you are tearing apart. _You are so worried._

You regret every single meal you hid for her. Visions of heart attacks and malnutrition and horrible horrible things pound through your head.

You hope so hard that she's okay.


	26. Chapter 26

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong><em><em>*TW: EATING DISORDERS*<em>_**

****DR. LALONDE: WATCH ****

Kanaya is, despite her debilitating condition and defensiveness thereof, one of your favorite patients that you have ever treated. She is sensitive, kind, and extremely intelligent. Your rapport, when not on a triggering topic, is easy and friendly, and you admire her as being one of the few mature girls of her age. Sadly, she is also very ill. More often than not, she speaks to you with barely-concealed hostility. She gets defensive quickly and easily, and views you—and this entire place—as the enemy.

It pains you to watch her suffer like this, but you also know that until she accepts that she needs to heal, you can only try to stop her from deteriorating further. No strides will be made in her treatment until she is willing to cooperate. Until that happens, you and Strider are working hard to keep her condition from destroying her body even further. It's all you can do.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>SKIP TO THE END <strong>**

You cannot skip to the end yet. First, you need to skip to your last Individual session with a certain favorite patient of yours.

Yesterday, Kanaya looked terrible during Individual. Her dark chocolate skin is ashen, she has dark circles under her eyes, and her hands tremble slightly. She tells you that she thinks she's coming down with a cold, or perhaps allergies, when you ask. You make a note to get an extra urine test done on her first thing tomorrow—better safe than sorry.

"Aside from the cold, how are you today?"

"I'm Fine."

"You've seemed a bit depressed these past few sessions. Has anything happened to trigger this?"

"I'm Just Tired."

"Kanaya, I have been a psychiatrist for twelve and a half years. I have heard the 'tired' excuse more times than can be counted. What's really the matter?"

"It's Nothing. Just A Small Conflict."

"You don't have to minimize these things, you know."

"Vriska And I Have Been Very Close But I Feel Like We May Be Drifting Apart, And It Is Saddening. Is That What You Are Looking For?"

"No need to snap at me. I'm trying to help you. What has caused these feelings?"

"It's Just A Feeling," she sighs. "I'm Actually Really Tired, Dr. Lalonde. Can We Stop Early Today?" For once, she seems genuine, and not trying to worm her way out of the session. It's also the first time she's directly asked to stop. You wonder if she really is coming down with something. You tell her to stick around for a few minutes longer, and end the session at what would normally be its halfway point. You page Jade and tell her that Kanaya can be left alone in her room until dinner, she needs rest.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>SKIP TO THE END <strong>**

You end up staying later than normal—you really should have been home, or maybe going out for a drink with your co-workers, but your neglected filing is keeping you here far too late for that to be possible. You're behind the desk of the nurse's station, kneeling by a filing cabinet and chatting about your cat with John (he thinks you should change its name to Meowgon Spengler) when you glance at the time. It's 12:06 already. How did you end up here past midnight?

You're distracted from this when Kanaya stumbles down the hall to the nurse's station, clutching her chest and breathing hard. She nearly makes it to the desk before she collapses, her breathing labored and her eyes bloodshot and full of fear. John vaults the desk and runs over to her, and you grab the AED from behind the desk and follow hot on his heels.

"Kanaya, Kanaya honey, what's wrong? Can you talk to me?" you ask urgently. You motion for John to check her heart rate, and quickly.

"Something's Wrong," she whimpers. "Something's Wrong And I'm Scared."

"What's wrong, Kanaya? I need you to tell me." You kneel above her head stroke her hair off her clammy forehead as John grabs his stethoscope and listens to her heart.

"I Think It's My Heart, It's Pounding And I Hurt And I'm Scared I'm Scared I Don't Want To Die Please Dr. Lalonde I Don't Want To Die—"

"Kanaya, listen to me," you say, and look her hard in the eye. "You are not going to die. John and I are professionals. We will make sure that you are okay."

"Rose, I think she's having palpitations," John says quietly. "Should we use the AED?"

"Not yet. Bring it with us, though. I'm calling an ambulance."


	27. Chapter 27

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong><em><em>*TRIGGER WARNING*<em>_**

**ROSE: GO AROUND THE CIRCLE **

"As you have all probably noticed, Kanaya has not been able to join us for the past two days. First—calm down, Vriska, let me speak—I want to tell you all that she is going to be fine. She was having heart palpitations as a result of hiding her meals and supplements, which could have ended up much worse for her. But she will be fine. Now, this is probably very stressful for all of you. I have noticed that Kanaya is friendly with every single one of you, and this will naturally have an impact on your own emotional states. Does anyone want to share how they're feeling because of this?"

Silence. Some patients look shocked. Others, distressed. Most won't meet each other's eyes. Vriska is hiding angry tears behind a curtain of hair. No one volunteers.

"It can be hard to find the words to express your feelings over a situation like this. However, as a doctor—and as a person, who isn't as cold-hearted as you might think—I think it will really help to talk about it."

Silence.

* * *

><p><strong>GAMZEE: SPEAK <strong>

You're not sure how to all up and find words for this sad sad situation. Kanaya is a fierce fine skinnysister and she's always been real nice to you. It always made you a little sad to look at her, her being so motherfucking thin and all. She must've been hella focused to not get up and hungry all the time. You don't understand why she'd want to do something like that, she always seemed kind of sad if she saw her reflection. You shake your head forlornly. Tavros is crying softly on your shoulder.

You put your head in your hands and sigh, "ShIt, iT mAkEs Me ReAl MoThErFuCkInG sAd To HeAr ThAt ShE'd Up AnD dO sOmEtHiNg LiKe ThAt. DoN't ShE wAnNa GeT bEtTeR aNd ShIt?"

"That's a hard question for anyone but Kanaya to answer, Gamzee."

You look up at her. "SoMeTiMeS i ThInK oF gOiNg BaCk To My GaNg BrOtHeRs AnD gEtTiNg BaCk On ThE hOrSe BuT i WaNnA fEeL gOoD fOr ReAl, AnD dOiNg ThAt ShIt DoN't MaKe Me FeEl GoOd At AlL. It CaN't FeEl mOtHeRfUcKiNg GoOd To Up AnD sTaRvE yOuRsElF… sO wHy ShE gOtta do such a thing…" your voice trails off, and you bury your head in your hands again. Tavros rubs your back as you start crying, even though he's still leaving big wet spots on your t-shirt from his own tears.

* * *

><p><strong>ARADIA: SPEAK<strong>

"I can't believe she w0uld d0 this t0 herself." It slips out before you can stop yourself. You feel your face heat up in embarrassment and you suddenly can't meet anyone's eyes. You're expecting an outburst, maybe Vriska yelling that you're one to talk, but nothing comes save for a few tears and Sollux slipping an arm around your shoulders.

"What makes you say that, Aradia?"

"I d0n't kn0w. I d0n't _kn0w._ She just… we all care ab0ut her! Why w0uld she hurt herself like that, when we all care s0 much?" you sniffle. "D0esn't she kn0w we just want her t0 get better?" (You feel like the world's biggest hypocrite. Didn't you do the same thing as Kanaya, when you tried to kill yourself?) You heave a sigh and motion for someone else to take the floor. Stick a fork in you, you're d0ne.

* * *

><p><strong>TEREZI: SPEAK <strong>

You don't know what to say for once. Nothing's coming to mind. Justice is failing you, everything's failing you. How could something this huge catch you so off-guard? How could someone so tiny make something so huge happen?

"1'M… 1'M JUST CONFUS3D. SH3 4LW4YS S41D SH3 W4S OK WH3N W3'D 4SK. SH3 W4S DO1NG W3LL, 1 THOUGHT. 1 D1DN'T KNOW SH3 W4S GO1NG THROUGH TH1S… 1T JUST C4UGHT M3 TOT4LLY OFF-GU4RD." You shrug. You don't know what else to say. You're too shocked to process this, yet. Everyone has been getting so much better. How could something like this happen? Everything had been going so _well._

* * *

><p><strong>ERIDAN: SPEAK <strong>

You cannot speak, because you're too busy being smothered by Vriska and Karkat, who are both crying on you. Vriska's definitely crying, and alternating holding onto you and shoving you away. Karkat's hiding his face, but he's shaking. You think you see tears. You may or may not have a huge lump in your throat, yourself. But you force your way out of the pile of weeping and force yourself to talk.

"Cod, I just.. I can't… she's my reel-y good friend and… wwhy didn't she tell me? Wwhy didn't she tell someone? Wwhy didn't anyone fuckin _notice_?" Your voice breaks as you add, "Wwhy didn't _I_notice?"

"Eridan, you can't blame yourself for what happened. It wasn't your fault."

"I shoulda _noticed_!" you yell. "The first time I fuckin get reel friends and I can't evven notice wwhen they're fallin apart!" Karkat holds you back as you try to jump up and scream at Dr. Lalonde some more. You just want to scream and yell and cry and curl up in a ball and never talk to anyone again. Your eyes are full of tears and you feel like someone's wedged a pumpkin down your throat. Everyone's giving you these pitying looks, even Sollux. It makes you sick. You want to shake Kanaya and yell at her for being an idiot. You want to yell at her for not letting you know something was wrong. But all you can do is sink back into the couch and sob into your scarf.

* * *

><p><strong>VRISKA: SPEAK <strong>

You can't speak. You can't say anything, you can't do anything, because this is _all your fault._ You feel like you're going to throw up.

* * *

><p><strong>TAVROS: SPEAK <strong>

You manage to swallow your tears for a few minutes. Somehow, watching everyone in the circle display so much vulnerability, you don't feel so terrified and you manage to form words. They're barely above a whisper, but everyone listens. And for once you're sure that nobody is going to laugh.

"kANAYA„, hAS ALWAYS BEEN, rEALLY NICE TO ME," you say. "i ALWAYS FELT, uM, rEALLY SAFE, aROUND HER? aND i COULD TALK, tO HER, wITHOUT WORRYING SO MUCH, uH, tHAT SHE WOULD LAUGH, oR DO SOMETHING BAD, aND THIS IS, rEALLY DISTRESSING, bECAUSE i ONLY WISH THAT, uH, sHE COULD HAVE, hAD THAT SAME LEVEL, uM, oF COMFORT, aROUND ME, oR AT LEAST, uM, sOMEONE, aND COULD HAVE, uH, cONFIDED, iN A WAY THAT, tHIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO, uM, hAPPEN."

Dr. Lalonde nods at you. "That's very astute, Tavros. I think you summed up a lot of peoples' sentiments right there." You sigh. Normally you would have been thrilled to hear that you phrased something well, or that you managed to speak in front of a group of people. Today it just doesn't seem to matter so much. Tears prick your eyes again. You wish you could have done something more meaningful than this.

* * *

><p><strong>NEPETA: SPEAK <strong>

":(( It makes me r33lly sad that Kanaya doesn't want to get better. It must be pawful to f33l so bad that you.. hurt yourself like that." You don't know what else to say. You're overwhelmed by what's been going on. You lean against Equius, who for once doesn't tense up when touched. He pats your shoulder in the most reassuring way he can. You look up at him, motion for him to talk. Maybe he can phrase this better than you.

* * *

><p><strong>EQUIUS: SPEAK <strong>

You're in shock after hearing the news. This is just so _wrong_. So _depraved_. How can someone as lovely as Kanaya let herself deteriorate like that? You don't know what to say. You don't know how to feel. You don't even manage to freak out properly when Nepeta leans against you. It's almost reassuring in this chaos. She nudges you in her "you say something, I'm done" way. You struggle to find the proper words, to construct safe, orderly sentences. You find yourself shaking, and start to count the threads in the couch to reassure yourself. You try to find words again, count some more. After a minute of floundering, you give up and just_ talk._

"D— Kanaya always seemed to be the most stable out of all of us.. I never realized that she was in such pain. I wish I c001d have done something to help her."

"Equius, you can't blame yourself. Remember what I told Eridan. This is nobody's fault."

"D— It's just that she is so _good_. She doesn't _deserve_ for this to happen to her. It just.. I… It's so _fucking_ unfair." There are a few gasps. This is the second time you have ever sworn, and the first time you've done so without copious encouragement. You don't feel dirty for doing it. You want to do it again. You don't know what else to do. Nepeta pats your back and hushes you softly. You didn't realize you were crying.

* * *

><p><strong>SOLLUX: SPEAK <strong>

"Iit'2 not liike II wa2—am—really clo2e wiith her, 2o… iit'2 not liike II blame my2elf or anythiing? II ju2t feel 2hitty becau2e here we all are gettiing better and 2hiit and 2he wa2 cra2hiing and none of u2 even notiiced," you sigh. You're starting to feel a manic cycle coming on. It's making your thoughts race in circles and all the circles blame you, even though you know it wasn't your fault. How could you have known? You almost start babbling about it, but you manage to stop yourself. You shake yourself, try to think straight.

"Liike EQ 2aid… iit'2 ju2t 2o fuckiing unfaiir."

* * *

><p><strong>FEFERI: SPEAK <strong>

Everyone's gone silent again. You're trembling. You want to say something, but you don't know what to say. Sollux looks lost, next to you, holding Aradia while stares into space, her thoughts in some big empty dark space you don't want to think about. You put an arm around him, make a holding-people chain.

"S)(e always tried to )(elp me wit)( my problems, s)(e'd always c)(eck up on me w)(en s)(e t)(oug)(t I was )(aving a bad day or was reel-y anxious or somefin… W)(y didn't s)(e t)(ink s)(e could go to me for )(elp? I t)(oug)(t s)(e was doing _w)(ale_… I would sometimes sit wit)( )(er at dinner, )(er plate was usually clear by the end!—I know it's not my fault, but I just _wis)(_I )(ad noticed w)(at s)(e was doing."

"Feelings like that are very normal, Feferi. I know it's hard to find out about someone's suffering, especially when you thought they were starting to improve. Just remember that you are not to blame for what happened, okay?" You open your mouth to protest, to mention all the cleared plates you saw, all the times you congratulated her for eating everything. "Yes, even though you would sit next to her during meals. It's not your fault that you didn't see what she was doing. _None_ of you are to blame."

* * *

><p><strong>VRISKA: SPEAK <strong>

You can't speak. After what you just heard, how can you ever speak again?_You're responsible for this_. Dr. Lalonde may say this is nobody's fault, but she's wrong. She doesn't know what you did.

* * *

><p><strong>KARKAT: SPEAK <strong>

You fiddle with the sleeves of your sweatshirt. Chew on your lip and your collar and your cuffs. Wipe away the tears of shock and feel yourself harden with every person who speaks. Your grip around Eridan's shoulders tightens as he cries, both from sympathy and from anger. So many of you are crying. Kanaya doesn't realize what she fucking _did._

"Am I the only one who's angry here? I'm so fucking _mad_ at her. Why would she do something that fucking stupid to herself? Doesn't she know that we _care_? What she was _doing_, you don't fuck around with your heart! Was she trying to fucking kill herself?" Aradia flinches when you say that. You mumble a "sorry", but you're not done yet.

"She's here to get better. We sit in this _gogdamned_ circle every fucking _day_and talk about all our fucking problems until we feel like we're going to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and then we talk even _more_ with our therapists and we talk even more than _that_ with each _other_ and through all that talking she can't have fucking deluded herself into thinking that there was _no one here who cared._ There is _literally_ no way that she could fucking delude herself into thinking that we didn't give a shit! Did she even think about what it would do to everyone if she fucked her heart over? All she fucking does is bug and fuss and meddle and try to make everyone happy and she fucking failed at the most important part!" You're yelling. Everyone is staring at you. You're so mad, you're so _furious_at her for doing this to herself, for not wanting to get better when everyone else is trying so hard, you're mad at her for not telling you and more than anything you're mad at yourself for not noticing. But you can't get close to that last thought, because if you do you'll never stop blaming yourself. So you fume at her.

Dr. Lalonde looks at you coolly, waits for you to finish. When she's sure you're done, she sighs, rubs her temples. Quietly, she says, "Those questions, Karkat, are the kind that I don't even know how to answer." What the fuck. She's supposed to be the expert here, the one who can fix things. You open your mouth to yell again, but she cuts you off. "This anger you're expressing is completely understandable. It's hard, when someone you care for is engaging in behavior detrimental to their well-being without your knowledge. It's especially hard when they endanger themselves significantly and you find yourself feeling helpless. But there was nothing that you could have done to prevent it. None of you could have—"

* * *

><p><strong>VRISKA: SPEAK <strong>

You cut Dr. Lalonde off before you realize you're even forming words. "It w8s 8ll my f8ult. All of it. Ev8rything." Everyone turns to look at you in shock.

"Vriska, this was not your fault. I know that you and Kanaya are very close, but you can't blame yourself for—"

"You don't _g8t_ it! It w8s my f8ult! I fucking…. I fucking _h8lped_ her!" you sob. "She f8cking _trusted_ me, she'd 8sk me to h8lp her hide her food, 8nd I'd _do_ it! I w8s her fucking _8ccomplice_ the whole damned _time_!"

Dr. Lalonde tries to respond, but you cut her off. "I didn't even _th8nk_ a8out it, I just _did _it 8ecause she 8sked me 8nd I didn't even think, I didn't think 8t _all_a8out wh8t it might _do_ to her or if her he8rt would give out or… I didn't _think!_ I just w8nted to 8r8k the fucking rules of this _shithole_ and I didn't c8re wh8t happened and now _the only fucking pers8n I give a d8mn a8out might die 8ecause of m8!"_

You're standing in the center of the circle, screaming at Dr. Lalonde and hyperventilating and sobbing and tearing at your hair and none of it matters because this is your fault and remorse is hitting you like a train and you don't know what to do. Someone tries to touch you and you slap them away, hard, turn on them, scream. You don't even know what you're saying anymore, you're just yelling and crying and fighting because it's all you can do. Nobody else dares to get close to you. They shrink away from your rage and your tears like it has a physical force.

And then, as quickly as it started, it stops, and you collapse on the floor, your body wracked with huge, painful sobs. And Tavros, of all people, _weaky-weak Tavros_, whose life you made a point to make miserable, kneels in front of you and pulls you into a hug and hushes you and rubs your back while you cry and cry and cry.

"vRISKA, dO YOU KNOW, sOMETHING?" he asks softly. The whole room is silent save for you two. "iT'S NOT, yOUR FAULT, eITHER."

You can't think anymore. Your brain is clouded by tears and pain, so you do the only thing you can. You go limp in Tavros's arms, and let yourself be held. There's nothing else you can do.


	28. Chapter 28

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong>*TW*<strong>

You are thoroughly overwwhelmed.

Today, Kanaya came back to Green Sun. She'd only been at the hospital for four days. When you get to Group, she's already there, sitting in a wheelchair next to Dr. Lalonde. She stares at you, terrified, and you can't bring yourself to meet her eyes. Or sit down. Or do anything, really. You feel like Tavros, back when he first got here and couldn't walk into a room without freezing up. You entertain the idea of bolting. Dr. Lalonde stands up, approaches you, the thousand-yard shrink-stare in place, and you do.

You bump into a cluster of people as you run, Feferi and Equius and Nepeta, you think, and blindly shove through them. You don't know where you're going or what you're doing and tears are blinding your eyes.

"D— Eridan, what's wrong?"

":33 Ampurra! Where're you going?"

"—-ERIDAN!"

Fef tears off behind you and grabs your shoulder. You wrench it away, and keep running for a few more steps, then slump against a wall. She follows you. "-Eridan, w)(at's wrong?"

You stare at the ground. You don't know how to tell her everything that's running through your head—guilt, terror, anger, fear, and Dr. Lalonde—so you just say, "Kan's back. I don't knoww howw I can face her."

Fef gives a little "ohmygos)(!", then swoops forward to hug you. "O)( _—Eridan_, gos)(… I know )(ow you must be eeling rig)(t now—well, of course I don't know -EXACTLY, but cod, I'm sorry, t)(is must be so )(ard on you!"

You slump against her and she pats your back. "At least s)(e's back, rig)(t?"

"Yeah. I just still feel glubbin awwful and like such a fuckin idiot, y'knoww?"

"It's gonna be okay, -Eridan. Trust me. It's not like you knew, after all! Imagine )(ow Vriska must be eeling, gos)(!"

You bolt upward from your slumped position. Any other time, you would have been in sevventh heavven if you found yourself being held by Feferi, but you have more pressing concerns at the moment. "Ohmycod you're right. Fuck." She gives you a little smile. "Fef, you're amazing, thanks for huggin me and shit, but I gotta go find Vvris right noww and tell her—"

You tear off down the hallway, Fef yelling a "Good luck!" after you.

* * *

><p><strong>ERIDAN: KNOCK <strong>

You've successfully evaded all of the hall nurses, Dr. Lalonde's therapeutic tentacles, and Terezi's swinging cane of death, and you are now located right outside of Vriska's room. You know she's inside, because she tends to be in there lately until someone bodily drags her out, and you can hear her shuffling around, but you find yourself hesitating. You take a deep breath, think of how you felt when you saw Kan and how exponentially worse she'll probably feel if you don't tell her, and you knock.

"What."

"Vvris, open the door.. please?"

"Go aw8y."

"You're gonna be late for Group y'knoww."

"Don't c8re."

"Seriously Vvris, I gotta tell you somefin and it'll be easier if I can fuckin see you, okay?"

The door opens a crack. You see bushy hair, zits, and a still slightly-bruised eye. It glares at you.

"What."

"Vvriska… Kan's back."

"What."

"I just wwalked into group an I saww her an I had to come tell you—wwell, actually, I bolted 'cause I wwas freakin out but that's not the point, I evventually realized I needed to tell you but—" Suddenly your mouth, and airways, are obstructed by a huge quantity of frizzy hair and girl. Vriska's thrown herself at you and has you in a rib-crushing hug. You can't help but blush a little—now's really not the time, but a crush is a crush and _wow_ she is gorgeous.

"Oh my _g8d_ she's _8ack_? I'm gonna kick her _8ss_ oh my god I can't _8elive_ it this is _gr8_, this is _am8zing_, this is—" she cuts off, gasps for air, a wild grin slowly fading from her face— "_ Fuck_. This is fucking terrifying."

"I knoww, isn't it?"

* * *

><p><strong>ERIDAN: GET HER TO THE GROUP<strong>

You and Vriska burst into group a tad on the late side. Vriska is flushed and tousled and terrified and exhilarated, and she's never been prettier to you, but you forget all about it when you see Kanaya's face. She looks up from her lap when you two walk in, and you see her face fall for a split-second into despair before rearranging itself into her usual poise. You awkwardly take your seat, hyperaware of the fact that everyone is staring at you. You fiddle with the edge of your scarf and Dr. Lalonde breaks the silence.

"Thank you for joining us Eridan, Vriska. As you can see, Kanaya has returned to our group. We were just about to get started. Kanaya, would you like to start?"

Kanaya is staring at her lap again and is flushed dark with embarrassment. You can't help but notice that she looks slightly healthier, though. She clears her throat delicately; her normally ramrod-straight posture slumped. "I… I'm Back. And I'm Okay. They Took Me To The Hospital. And They Tube-Fed Me." She makes a gagging motion, tries to smile. Nobody laughs. Her voice trembles and tears prick the corners of her eyes as she continues: "Do You… Do You Think I Look Fat?"

Karkat abruptly stands up and tries to storm out of the room. Dr. Lalonde gets up and stops him before he can leave. "Karkat, you have to stay here. We're going to finish this discussion, okay?" He huffs and sits back down, glaring at everybody who dares look at him. Kanaya is staring at her lap again, tears freely falling.

")(ow could you do t)(is, Kanaya? We all care about you so _muc)( _. All we wanted was to see you get better!" Feferi exclaims. She shrinks back and bites her lip as everyone turns to look at her.

Kanaya sniffles. "It Wasn't About You. Any Of You."

"SiStEr MeAnS sHe WiShEs YoU'd Up AnD tOlD sOmEoNe WhAt WaS gOiNg DoWn," Gamzee says. He's rubbing Karkat's back reassuringly—Karkat doesn't seem terribly reassured, but it's a nice gesture.

"I Didn't Realize You Would Take It Like This."

You stare at her. "Don't you _get_ it Kan? Wwe're all tryin to get better for each other! Wwhat you did affected all a us. Look at wwhat it's done to Kar. And Tavvros. And Nepeta. And Gam and Sol and Fef and evverybody… and _me_. I nevver had any friends before you! And then you go an… an' fuckin do somefin like that? It's fuckin unconscionable!" She tries to say something, but you cut her off. "Don't you understand? If you hurt yourself, you hurt all a us too. Vvris hasn't left her room wwithout bein dragged since you wwere in the hospital, you knoww that?" Vriska glares at you, but you ignore her. "Wwe can't fuckin get by wwithout you, Kan."

Everyone in the group lets that sink in for a moment. There are a few murmurs of agreement. Finally, Karkat explodes, going on about how angry he is at her. She shrinks back into the wheelchair, gripping the armrests as if for dear life. After a moment or two of his impotent rage, he breaks down and starts crying. He asks Dr. Lalonde if it's okay to hug her, and she and Kanaya both confirm. After a tearful embrace, a lot of sniffling, and one choked "Honestly Karkat You're Getting Snot All Over Your Sweatshirt And I _Know_ It's The Only One You Have," he whimpers, "I'm just glad you're _alive_."

You have to say you agree.


	29. Chapter 29

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong>*TW*<strong>

**VRISKA: CONFESS **

Group is ending. Hugs were exchanged, tears shed. You stayed huddled on your couch, not meeting anyone's eyes and not saying a word. You're still there now as everyone trickles out, some stopping to chat and others absconding for the dayroom as fast as they can. You're still hugging your knees and staring at your feet and have no intention of moving any time soon. Terezi pauses in front of you, locating you with a surprisingly gentle tap of her cane, and asks if you're all right. You nod, remember that she can't tell you're nodding, then choke out a, "Ye8h, I'm fine, I'll catch up with you l8r." Eridan's paused behind her, and you wave him away. You can't deal with his clinging right now.

Now it's just you, Kanaya, and Dr. Lalonde. Lalonde is about to start wheeling Kanaya away, and you realize that you can't put this off any longer. You stand up slowly, and Dr. Lalonde gives you her shrink stare. She looks at you and at Kanaya, then nods and becomes very interested in her clipboard at the other end of the room. It's as private as you can get, you guess.

Kanaya looks at you wordlessly as you walk over. You don't know how to read the expression on her face. She gives you a watery smile, whispers, "Hey," and you're suddenly breaking down. You sink to your knees, wrap your arms around her waist, and cry. Her arms wrap around your shoulders and you can feel her tears dampening your hair. You pull back, and she loosens her grip on you, and you look her dead in the eye. You're both still sniffling and crying and you can't seem to meet her gaze for more than a second or two, so you address your hands, her elegant dark hands entwined with your calloused stumpy pale ones in her lap.

"I'm sorry."

"You Don't Have To Be Sorry For Anythi—"

"No, I'm re8lly sorry. I was a terri8le friend. When you 8sked me to help you hide your food and shit, I should've told you hell fucking no. Th8t's what a re8l friend would h8ve done."

"Vriska—"

"No, Kanaya, I need you to he8r me out here. I don't know shit a8out 8eing a decent friend or a good person or _8nything_, really. 8ut I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore. I _c8n't. _" You clench her hands tight in yours. She looks healthier after her hospital stay, but still so thin. So delicate, so breakable. And you almost broke her. Your voice cracks as you beg her, "I know I'm not supposed to c8re and I'm not good at this friendship thing, 8ut _please_. Eat something. Try to get 8etter. For me."

She pulls a hand away from you. You look up at her, tears brimming again. No one else you have ever known has made you feel so weak. She's mopping her eyes with her sleeve, and you push her hand away, wipe away the tears with your thumbs.

Kanaya's voice is broken when she speaks, hoarse and inelegant. Her hair is sweaty and mussed and her eyes are puffy and red and her nose is dribbling and she has never looked more beautiful.

"I… I Can't Make Any Promises. But… I Will Try."


	30. Chapter 30

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p>It came on just before dinner. You felt the manic little prickles at the corners of your brain coming on for hours, and had to stop yourself from babbling and fidgeting and freaking out. But a few minutes before the dinner bell, in the middle of a conversation with AA, it hit you like a snapping rubber-band and you were <em>up.<em>

Your whole body suddenly stands at attention. You shift consistencies, from your Bag Of Coat Hangers Hanging Halfway Out A Window slouch to the posture of Something Extremely Erect And Vibrating. You start laughing at your own innuendo, a sharp burst that makes AA jump. You just got your dosage changed again after the depressive episode a few days previously, so you've been waiting to see if there are any new side effects. Apparently, there are. Technically, when you're manic like this, you're supposed to get a sedative from the nurse's station so you don't keep EQ awake all night, break the dayroom's computer again, or hurt yourself.

But fuck that.

"S0llux, are y0u 0k?"

"Eheheheh, II'm better than OK, AA, II can do fuckiing anythiing riight now!" Something whispers from a corner of your brain. It's quiet. You hush her as she goes to respond, wildly papping her face as you concentrate and try to listen. She shoves your arm away.

"Seri0usly, S0llux, y0u d0n't seem 0k t0 me, have y0u been taking y0ur med—"

"2hoooooooo2h! II'm tryiing two lii2ten!"

"T0 what?"

You flail your arms in a motion that you recognize as an elaborate sign-language term for "giive me a damn miinute", but she just raises and eyebrow and looks confused. You squint your eyes shut and concentrate, and the whisper gets louder. Your eyes pop open and you run off without any explanation, leaving AA behind as you run towards the dayroom.

(Unfortunately, the dayroom is in the other direction, so you skid in a wide U-turn at the end of the hallway and end up tearing past her again in the opposite direction. Her hands are on her hips and she looks torn between confusion, annoyance, and amusement.)

You burst through the door, beeline for the computer, shove Karkat aside (he's trying to fix something with the anti-virus on the ancient thing, or maybe write code, you really don't care), and crack your knuckles. You open Internet Explorer, inwardly weep that it's the only internet browser available, and google. You google so hard that the internet crashes twice. You google bees.

FF walks in on you staring intently at the scene from "Wicker Man" in which Nic Cage meets an untimely near-end at the hand of a basket full of bees. You've been taking notes in a shorthand that you just invented. The whispers have upgraded their cell package, obviously, because instead of grainy barely-there hoarse voices, they've started jabbering incessantly and you can barely catch every other word. They've gone from "really really iimportant" to "really fuckiing annoyiing" so you stopped taking notes on them a few pages ago. Through the cacophony inside your head, though, you manage to tune into her frequency.

"Seallux! W)(at are you doing? Aradia found me and said you're acting R-E—-ELY weird!"

"FF, calm down, II'm fiine! II feel great!" you laugh. You jump up and hug her, sending a shower of papers to the floor. She hugs you back with a confused smile, then pulls back and examines you closely from over her round glasses. There's that eyebrow raise again that AA wore before. You wonder briefly if there is some kind of psychic girl link. You scrawl "FEMALE HIIVEMIIND?" in binary on your arm in felt-tip pen and she stares at the strings of zeroes and ones in bafflement.

"Sollux, I t)(ink maybe we s)(ould go to t)(e nurse's station?" she says carefully.

"Fuck no! II feel _awe2ome_ and the med2 are workiing, thii2 do2age ii2 iincrediible, and II have iimportant work two do!" you huff, and plop firmly on the ground like a petulant child. Your hands twitch and make shapes that you didn't know where anatomically possible.

"W)(ale… the doctors s)(ould probably )(ear about t)(is as soon as possible! T)(at your dosage is working, I mean. Come on, Seallux, let's go—" she offers you a hand up, and you bat it away.

"_No_, FF, II'm _fiine_, II have more iimportant stuff two do than lii2ten to thii2 _bull2hiit_, OK?" you snap. You can feel a migraine coming on. Her face crumples, and you instantly feel bad. You jump up so fast that you knock over the computer chair with an errant elbow and pull her into a crushing, bony hug. She stiffens in the way you've only ever seen her do around her mother and pulls away, running for the door. You watch for a moment, posture stiff and erect, hands twitching and head pounding, and are overwhelmed with guilt until your notes distract you again.

AA eventually enters your line of sight, waving her hands in front of your face as you transcribe your notes from invented-shorthand to a more elaborate secret code that you'll never reveal to your enemies. You beam at her until you see Doc Stridenasty's pale ass right behind her, a concerned furrow carved into his brow. He offers you a hand up, a folder for your notes, and an emergency session. You grudgingly accept all three.

* * *

><p><strong>BE FEFERI <strong>

You are now Feferi, and you are on the verge of tears. Sollux is acting so W—EIRD, and he snapped at you, and you're scared and confused. You know it's probably not his fault, that he's adjusting to his new dosage and probably is having bad side effects, but your sense of security is shattered. He was never what you could call _consistent_, but he has never been so volatile before and as much as you try not to you can only seem to connect him with your mom's rapidly-shifting approval and disappointment.

As soon as you leave the dayroom, you try to find Jade. You like her the best out of all the staff here, and she's the one you need to talk to. After a bit of wandering and sniffling, you find her behind the desk at the nurse's station doing some filing. She looks up as soon as you come into her line of sight and waves.

"Hi Feferi! How're you doing?"

You sniffle.

"Oh, hon, something's wrong, I can see. Come here, you wanna talk about it?" You nod. She walks around the desk and plops into one of the waiting room chairs, patting the seat next to her with a smile. You sit down next to her, anxiously fiddling with your hair. You wanted to talk, but now you're all frozen up. You heave a shuddery sigh. Jade digs in her pocket and pulls out a stick of gum, offers it to you. You take it. She unwraps one for herself and you chew in silence for a bit.

"Sollux is acting weird—it's not )(is fault! But it's… it's making me reel-y sad and worried and… and I don't know w)(at to do!" The words come out in a huge rush and startle even you. You bring your knees up to your chest and hug them tightly, your body wire-tense.

"I see. You and Sollux are close, huh?" she gives you a wink. Your mouth twitches into a little smile. You appreciate her levity right now. "How was he acting?"

")(e snappered at me. And )(e was writing so many NOT—ES, and t)(ey were all weird symbols, and I t)(ink it's )(is medication but it's freaking me out and I don't know w)(at to do..!"

"It sounds like he's having a manic episode," she says. "Does any of the staff other than me know about this?" You shrug. She pulls out her pager, checks it, then puts it away. "Looks like it's already being covered. Anyways, back to you, sweetie. Watching someone you're close to go through something like that is _hard_, I'm not gonna lie."

"I just feel like I'm over-reacting or making stupid connections and it's glubbing stupid," you say. Your shoulders are starting to ache from being so tense.

"You're not being stupid, Feferi! Nobody in their right mind would ever think that what you saw was an easy thing to go through. Your feelings are perfectly normal, okay? Sollux is just having a bad reaction. I've seen him like this before. He knows what he's doing, but he's not making judgments like he normally would. He reacts before he can think and feels bad about it later, but things are whizzing through his head too fast for him to be able to compensate." You nod slowly. That sounds about right.

")(e just ended up—cod, this is _so dumb_—)(e ended up reminding me of my _mother_," you sigh. "That sounds totally… w)(o's t)(at old guy w)(o t)(inks everyt)(ing is a penis? Freud? Sounds like )(im." Jade laughs. "But )(e _did_ and it was cod-awful and I ended up running away and now I don't know if I can trust )(im anymore." Now the tears are coming. Jade passes you a tissue, and you blow your nose loudly.

"Feferi, I can't tell you what you can and can't associate with something so triggering, but I can tell you this. Sollux cares about you a lot, and right now he's just not feeling well. This reaction of his was probably triggered by a dosage problem, not by him. He wouldn't yell at you normally, you know that, right?" You nod.

")(e's always so nice, normally! And even once )(e realized I was freaking out )(e tried to )(ug me and make me feel better. I was just… freaking out."

"I'm not saying that you should ever let someone yell at you, though. Even when someone isn't in full control, they're still responsible for their actions. You can't let someone make you feel bad, you know that." Her expression is serious. You remember one session of Group in which she discussed unhealthy relationships with everyone, and you nod. "But Sollux has been making a huge amount of progress, and I don't think that he is fully at fault in this situation. Not that you're in the wrong _at all_! Because you're not! But I do think he deserves a second chance once his dosage and mania is managed."

You can feel yourself calming down. Slowly, the tension in your shoulders is relaxing, and you've stopped twisting your hair around your fingers. The more you think about it, the more you agree with Jade. You give her a little smile.

"You're rig)(t. T)(anks, Jade. I t)(ink I just needed to glub about it, and let myself calm down a little?"

"Anytime, Feferi. Don't let anyone push you around, though, okay?"

"Okay!"

Tomorrow, when you see Sollux waiting for you outside of the cafeteria with twitchy hands and a bouquet of clumsily-made paper flowers (you'll find out that Terezi and Karkat attempted to help make them, and subsequently caused a tissue-paper apocalypse in the craft room), you'll beam at him and give him a big hug. He'll apologize two thousand times, and you'll forgive him. Then you'll start concocting the perfect remedy for dry-mouth. (Orange juice, water, and fake hospital-grade maple syrup may taste disgusting together, but apparently they work!) You'll laugh at his face when he drinks the concoction, and he'll gag and still thank you for putting up with him.

And it will be so good.


	31. Chapter 31

**PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**Alright guys. First and most important thing, THIS IS NOT MY STORY. Its a MIRROR from the Homestuck kink meme on Livejournal and was written by ribsgrowback there. **

**ribsgrowback has given permission for people to mirror their fanfiction, so I am going to do it here. Original can be found here: ht tp: / homesmut .livejournal .com / 9406 . ht ml? thread = 14554302 just remove the spaces.**

**This is the original promt from the meme:**

**I've seen things about Karkat having self-harm issues. And it made me think that maybe someone could write an AU where the trolls are in a psychiatric treatment center? And I guess the kids could be the therapists/psychiatrists, especially Rose, since she's into psychoanalysis. No smut necessary, but I like Sollux/Feferi, Gamzee/Tavros, and most other pairings if you want to add it.**

**I will be updating the chapters as close as possible to when the author post new stuff on the kink meme. ****Also, rating and genre may (and are quite likely) to change, MAY BE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN SOME CHAPTERS. I WILL MARK THESE CHAPTERS. I say MAY because I have no idea what the original author is planning, seeing as I am just mirroring for them.**

**This is a really great story, so lets all enjoy it!**

**(Don't be afraid to leave comments just because this is a mirror! The author can come here and read them or I will pass them on, so leave your opinions!)**

***NEW* ribsgrowback now has a tumblr for any of you that are over there as well! h tt p: / rib swrites . tumblr . com / again just remove the spaces.**

* * *

><p><strong>*TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM*<strong>

Law is _hard._

Ever since your Judge Judy-fueled epiphany, you've been immersing yourself in the intricacies of justice. Mostly, this has involved calling group therapy sessions to order every day and forcing Vriska to stand in front of a jury of her peers every time she bothers you too much, but practice is practice! You've also gotten some law books in Braille, and are trying to learn as much as possible despite your lack of full Braille literacy.

But that is irrelevant. You will still become a daytime-TV lawyer if it kills you. And you will practice and practice until you do!

Right now, you're especially concerned over dear Karkles. The accused has been withholding evidence.

* * *

><p><strong>BE KARKAT A FEW MINUTES PREVIOUSLY <strong>

You can't be Karkat, you _are_ Karkat, numbnuts. And you're not having a great day, either. This morning, you got a call from your Papi—a rare enough occurrence. The two of you sat in surly silence on either end of the line (family bonding at its finest) until he informed you that the insurance is threatening to stop paying for your stay here. And your school won't take you back until you legitimately get discharged and you get a big red rubber-stamped sign on your head pronouncing you "cured." Your blood ran cold at that, a tiny "_porqué_?" stuck in your throat. Silence, background noise of television and your mother vacuuming. Finally, tells you why.. The rest of the conversation was a blur.

You keep running it through your head now as you sulk through the hallways. You've taken what Lalonde calls "baby steps", but the insurance might still kick you out. You hated it here until you realized you might have to leave, and now you don't know _what_you feel. Eventually, you end up in the waiting area for Individual, half an hour early but too depressed to care. What do they want from you? To show your secrets to the world, show everyone how weak you are? No thanks. You sink into an ugly chair and rifle through a _People_ magazine to make yourself feel better. The shiny celebrity gossip helps, but not enough. You pull your knees up to your chest, chew on your sweatshirt, and wait.

* * *

><p><strong>BE TEREZI <strong>

You're bored. You're so _bored_. Doc Stridenasty is just trying to help you lay out a plan for your eventual law degree, but you don't want to deal with that right now! It's boring! There are only a few minutes left of your individual session, though, so you halfheartedly gab about your Future Goals until he informs you that your time is up.

When you tap your way out of Stridenasty's office, you hear a snuffly noise that you recognize immediately as the sound of a mopey Karkat. You grin. You slide into the seat next to him with a chipper, "H33333Y, K4RKL3S!" and he barely even reacts.

"K4RK4T, 1 DON'T 4PPR3C14T3 B31NG 1GNOR3D. YOU'R3 GO1NG TO BR34K MY H34RT H3R3!"

"Sorry, Terezi. I'm just.. not in the fucking mood right now, okay?"

"4WW, WH4TS WRONG?"

"Nothing. It's fine. Just. Just go away, jegus."

"TH4T 1S SO RUD3!"

"Sorry. I'm just. I just can't do this right now, okay?"

This is worrisome. Usually, when Karkat isn't "in the fucking mood," he's blatantly, unapologetically ornery about it. Not to mention verbose, earsplitting, and grumpy. But this Karkat sounds all folded up into himself and you're starting to worry. You scoot your chair a little closer to his and attempt to find and deliver a comforting pat to his back. (You wind up accidentally groping his chest and arms, but you get there in the end.)

"4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU'R3 OK4Y? YOU'R3 K1ND4 WORRY1NG M3 FOR R34L H3R3," you say. He just shrugs, a shifting-fabric sound, and it shakes you to the core. You were expecting him to blow up, or huff and walk away, or _something._ But he's just deflated. An empty, crabby balloon.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Seriously."

"YOU 4R3 SO NOT F1N3."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"YOU _N3V3R_ W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T," you huff.

You're expecting a blustery protest, or a rage-filled deflection, or _anything_ but the shuddery, pained sigh you hear. Anything but the sound of barely-contained tears. Anything but the snuffly noises of Karkat Vantas curled in on himself and crying as quietly as he can.

"…_K4RKAT_," you whisper. Your voice breaks. Your heart breaks. You pull him into your arms and marvel at how tiny he is, how strange it is for someone with such a big voice and big opinions to be so small. He latches onto you and shakes with messy silent sobs, his tears soaking into your t-shirt and you cling to him and whisper that it's gonna be okay, it'll all be okay.

You don't know if it'll be okay. You don't know what could make Karkat Vantas cry like this.

"PL34S3 T3LL M3 WH4T'S WRONG," you beg. "OR T3LL SOM3BODY, 1 DON'T C4R3 WHO, JUST DON'T SUFF3R L1K3 TH1S ON YOUR OWN—"

"I can't, I _can't_," he whimpers. "I… I don't know what to do anymore. I don't _know_, Terezi. And I'm _scared._"

You know how that feels. You just hold him. It's all you can do. Eventually, he speaks again.

"They might. The insurance. I.. might not be able to stay here," he finally whispers. You hold still. This is the first time Karkat has ever opened up to you, and you don't want to ruin it. "We can't afford to keep me here without the insurance. And I can't go back to school until I've gotten treatment. So I'll be stuck and not be able to do anything and I was supposed to go to _college_ next year and I won't even be able to_graduate_—I'm _terrified,_ Terezi, I'm fucking _terrified_. I don't know what's going to happen."

You're reacting before you can even think. This is an outrage! "TH4T'S HORR1BL3! GOG, K4RK4T, WHY WOULD TH3Y DO TH4T?"

"Because…. Because of _why_ I'm here," he sniffles, then pulls away and you hear him clap a hand over his mouth. "Gog, I'm an idiot, just. Just forget it."

"YOU DON'T H4V3 TO T3LL M3 1F YOU DON'T W4NT TO, YOU KNOW. 1T'S OK4Y." You pat around until you find his hand, then hold it. He squeezes your hand back. His palms are soft. He sighs. It's a different kind of sigh this time, like he's decided something.

"They don't want to cover my stay here anymore because… because of what I do," he says, his voice hoarse and tear-stained. He pulls his hand away, and you hear shifting fabric. He takes your hand in his and guides it towards him. You hear him start crying fresh tears. "Because… because it's self-inflicted. And. It's like a pre-existing condition or something, it's all bullshit but that's what insurance does to you—I just…_please _don't hate me for this—"

He places your hand on his arm. You feel soft skin, a light dusting of hair. And you feel scars. They're like a linear braille, some thin, some thick, some with the smooth shiny feeling of an old wound, some rough and painfully new. A patchwork of his pain, carved in flesh. They cover his arms—parallel lines, criscrosses, jagged diagonals, so many that you can barely feel any untouched skin. Tears drop onto your entwined hands, from his eyes or yours neither one of you can tell. After a few moments, or maybe a few lifetimes, he releases your hand and pulls away.

"You're the first person I've ever told. I mean, I've shown the doctors here, but it's not the same. You probably think I'm disgusting and a freak and you probably hate me now—"

"K4RK4T… HOW COULD 1 _3V3R_ H4T3 YOU FOR TH1S?" You pull him close, and you both slide to the floor where you can sit and hug unimpeded by chairs and plastic armrests. He rests his sweaty head on your shoulder, a few tears dampening your t-shirt but he's not crying anymore and that's what matters.

"I just feel so ashamed," he whispers, the words coming out muddled and slushy since his mouth is pressed against you.

"DON'T. 1 M34N, 1 C4N'T T3LL YOU HOW TO F33L, BUT 1 DON'T TH1NK 4NY L3SS OF YOU FOR TH1S." You hear him wiping his nose messily on his sleeve, and you shove him and give a teary chuckle. "4CTU4LLY, 1 TH1NK YOU'R3 PR3TTY D4MN BR4V3 FOR SHOW1NG M3. 4ND FOR W4NT1NG TO ST4Y H3R3. FOR W4NT1NG TO G3T B3TT3R."

"But sometimes I feel like everyone'll think I'm disgusting and fucked up and—" His voice cuts off when you locate his shoulders, pull him to face you. You hope that you're looking him in the face, because you want him to listen.

"DON'T YOU _G3T_ 1T, K4RK4T? W3 4LL DO TH1NGS." When you feel his tense shoulders relax beneath your hands, you think maybe, finally, it clicks for him. Aradia's chewed-ragged fingernails, Gamzee's ravaged veins, Tavros's pierced face, Kanaya's starvation, every single little thing that each and every one of you do. "1F 4NYON3 1N TH3 WORLD'S GONN4 UND3RST4ND, YOU C4N B3T 1T'LL B3 US."

He flops his head on your shoulder again, and you sit in comfortable silence for a little while. He nudges your ribs with his elbow, and you nudge back, smirking. He chuckles and pokes you, and you poke back. Soon you're breathlessly, hysterically giggling, tickling each other on the waiting room floor, until one of you calls uncle (neither of you will admit to being the one to surrender) and you flop on your backs, shoulder to shoulder, and regain your breath.

"Hey, Terezi?"

"Y34H?"

"Thanks."

* * *

><p><strong>Double chapter update because I was away for awhile! Updates back to normal from now on!<strong>


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: **

**Hey everyone! I bring a message from the another re: updates**

* * *

><p>RE: Lack of updates<p>

I want to apologize profusely to all of my wonderful readers for not updating lately. I recently lost a close friend who helped me through a lot of my own mental illness, and who suffered from it as well. It's been hard to start writing on such a subject so soon after this loss.

I hope to start writing again before the new year, and hopefully you'll all get a nice long update ASAP.

I hope that you'll all stick with me through this mini-hiatus. I love you all dearly and your comments always bring the biggest smile to my face—you're the best readers anyone could ask for

Lots of love,

Ribs


	33. Chapter 33

**LOOK WHO'S BACK! As an avid reader of the story myself I am pleased to see it again, as I am sure many of you are as well.**

**A little note from our author Ribsgrowback: _[I'm back! Oh man. This chapter took forever to write, but I hope that you all like it. I am feeling ridiculously un-confident with my work lately, but I figure this is as good as this chapter's going to get, and I've been working up to this moment in the story for a long time.]_**

**__On another note I decided to get rid of that big blurb at the top of each chapter, most of you guys know what the deal is, and if you don't, get your ass to the first chapter and find out, sillyface! Also I think it is a point that there is likely to be a general Trigger Warning on the whole story really, so I will go back and change the summary when I find time. Specific warnings for each chapter as done previously will still occur.**

**And now without further ado, the new chapter:**

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><p>ERIDAN: BE LOVESICK ==<p>

You fell asleep last night with one of Kar's romance novels open by your side, a flashlight that you'd previously hidden at the bottom of your bag alight next to you. Kar grumbled at you for keeping him awake, but he never sleeps anyways and the two of you ended up erecting an impromptu fort of scratchy sheets, thin foamy pillows, and a dresser in the middle of the room and reading and gossiping until you both fell asleep sprawled on the floor. John laughed good-naturedly at you as he gave the two of you a scolding for improper sleeping arrangements this morning, but it was okay. He's just a giggly guy. Nurse. Wwhatevver.

"I'm startin to think that maybe I got friends noww. It's kinda neat, thinkin about that, since I nevver reel-y had anyone I could call a friend before, y'knoww?" you say to her during Individual today. "Nobody evver cared about me before I got here. An' I nevver cared about anyone all that much either. Not like I do noww."

"That's really wonderful, Eridan. I'm happy to hear that. From what I've seen, you've made astonishing progress with the other residents," Lalonde smiles. You hated her at first, but now you're comin to realize that she might talk sense sometimes. Somehow, using some kind of magical shrink bullshit, she's managed to get you to realize how fucked up your situation with Betty was. The name you scarred into your arm now sends little sick twists of guilt through your gut, but you like even that uneasy feeling better than the obsessive longing they used to evoke. You're thinking of writing her a letter, or something. You want to apologize.

Your crush on Vriska has only gotten worse, though. You sigh dreamily over the way she dotes on Kanaya, blush when she sneaks up behind you during dinner to drop croutons down the back of your shirt. She smiles her brace-faced, blue-banded grin at you while rubbing cigarette ash into her filthy jeans and your heart goes all a-flutter. Vriska _gets _you, in a weird demented way that nobody else ever did. When she whacks you with her cast, it's different than the way she whacks everyone else. It's got to be love.

"Eridan, your interpersonal relationships do not all have to become romantic. In fact, for the moment, it's healthier for you that they don't. Being able to initiate and maintain a friendship is essential before you can start to become emotionally and physically intimate with others," Lalonde used to tell you. You guess that she thought you looked for attention because you never got any, cause you had Lonely Little Rich Boy syndrome or something, who knows. But you think maybe this time, with Vriska, it's different.

You tell Karkat this as you clean up the remnants of the fort before breakfast. He whines at you and rolls his eyes, but you know he loves hearing this stuff—he's the biggest gossip here, but he doesn't spread shit around. He just wants to know everything that's going on.

His face is all scrunched up and contemplative when you finish. He scratches at something under his sleeve, wrinkling his nose in thought. "Y'know, man, I never thought I'd ever say this, but it looks like you might have a fucking infinitesimal chance here."

"Reely?"

"I'm not saying you're suddenly a goddamn Cassanova, you desperate shit. But I don't know, it sounds like something that might actually pan out."

You answer this with a rather undignified squeal and a bit of frenzied hand-flapping. Karkat scoffs, but a smile plays at the corners of his mouth. "Shit, Kar, you have no fuckin idea howw excited that makes me—shut up, you reely don't!" You toss a pillow at his head as he starts laughing.

"So, are you going to actually fucking talk to her about this, or are you just going to yak into my aural canals until they start bleeding everywhere?"

"I.. maybe. You know wwhat? I totally wwill. I'll do it today, Kar. Don't let me back in this room until I do."

"Gladly. You get to explain to the nurses when I lock you out, though," he grins. "I will barricade the door on your sorry hipster ass."

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><p>ERIDAN: TALK TO VRISKA ==<p>

Gog, you've only been trying to do that all day! During breakfast, she was too absorbed with organizing a D&D game with Terezi and Nep to talk to you, and during Group she was already sitting with Equius and Kanaya. You've got to talk to her soon, or you're gonna lose your nerve completely. You're thinking of sneaking out to smoke with her instead of going to art therapy, but Kanaya and Jade promised to teach you all origami and you don't want to miss that.

By evening, you're starting to get desperate. It's too dark to sneak outside, so a smoke break is out. The art room's closed for the night—plus, every inch of it is covered in paper cranes. The waiting room for Individual isn't private enough, and the dayroom is full of nosy assholes. Karkat has been making joking threats about making you sleep in the hall since lunch, and hell if you're gonna let him make good on 'em. You fling open the door to the dayroom, steel your shoulders, and decide that you're gonna do this, nosy assholes or not.

You plunk down next to Vriska on the couch, trying to compose yourself. You've got to be smooth, here. "Uh. Hey Vvris."

_So smooth._

"Hey Eridan. What's up with you today? You've 8een acting like a total spaz," she grins, flipping a lock of hair out of her eye with practiced ease. She smells like smoke and laundry detergent and girl.

"Nofin is up wwith me! I'm perfectly fine, I haven't got the foggiest idea as to wwhat you're glubbing about," you say. You feel yourself ready to choke, so you force out the next sentence so quickly that you stumble over the words. "So uh. Can wwe maybe talk or somefin? Like in privvate?"

Her brow furrows, but only for a second, quickly replaced by her ever-present wicked grin. "Sure, I guess. The hallway's pro8a8ly as priv8 as it gets right now, though."

"Awwesome." The two of you worm your way through the crowded room, stepping over a carefully-arrayed Fiduspawn game on the floor, dodging errant ping-pong balls, and—for you, anyways—avoiding Karkat's eyes. You only realize how overwarm the dayroom was until you open the door and are greeted with a wave of cold air. Your palms are sweating something fierce.

Vriska slides to the floor gracelessly, and you gingerly sit next to her. "Soooooooo, what'd you want to talk a8out?"

"Uh," you mumble, fiddling with the edge of your scarf. "Um."

"Wow, don't talk so fast, Ampora, I can't even keep up with how much you're saying right now." She gives an exaggerated eye-roll, then quirks up an eyebrow. "Just fucking spill already!"

"Wwhale. Uh," you stutter. You can't do this! But you can't let yourself choke. This is the _reel deal_. "Vvris. I. You're really fuckin cool, you know that?" A good start, you think.

"Tell me something I don't know! Is that why you dragged me out here, to compliment me? I mean, thanks and all, 8ut I've got irons in the fire, Eridan! So many irons."

"All the irons?" you smile.

"Aaaaaaaall of them!" Both of you laugh, then trail off into silence. You try to meet her eyes, but can't make yourself do it.

"So," she says.

"So," you say.

"Soooooooo." She drags the word out, then quirks an eyebrow at you. "You gonna get on with it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that," you stammer. You try to continue, but the words keep getting caught in your throat. Christ, you feel like Tav right now. You think she's about a second away from saying exactly that when you bury your face in your hands and blurt out, "Uh. FuckIreelylikeyouVvris."

Silence.

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><p>BE VRISKA ==<p>

You cannot be Vriska, because Vriska is frozen in shock!

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><p>OKAY, BE ERIDAN AGAIN THEN. ==<p>

It is very difficult to be Eridan again, because Eridan is dissolving into a puddle of mortification! But you manage to do it anyways.

Eventually, you're forced to move your hands away and look at Vriska. Her mouth is agape in surprise, but as your eyes meet, she shakes herself.

"W8. Eridan. _What_ did you just say?"

"Oh fuck, don't make me say it again." You tilt your head back and address the cracked tiles in the ceiling. "I fuckin like you, okay? A wwhole damn lot! Cause you're so fuckin cool and strong and shit and you make me wwanna touch your hands for stupid fuckin reasons and my bloodpusher gets all fluttery wwhen you shovve croutons dowwn my shirt!"

You probably could have phrased that better.

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><p>QUICK! WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE DAYROOM? ==<p>

You suddenly switch perspectives. You are now in the dayroom, engrossed in one of the various activities going on within.

All of these activities have halted, however, as something _very loud_ is happening outside. Vriska is laughing, so hard and so loudly that it catches the attention of everyone inside.

"Hahahahahahahaha, oh my gog, Eridan! I can't 8elieve this! Didn't you know I'm gay?"

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><p>BE ERIDAN AGAIN ==<p>

Wwell, that was an unexpected twwist.


End file.
